Being sick during christmas is the worst punishment ever.
Being double sick after having a awesome christmas eve party is bad.
Missing another family gathering right after christmas cause you are sick is luck.
December 27, 2009
December 24, 2009
Christmas Eve
Yes it's christmas today and I spend some time on my laptop to write about some thoughts I have. I have the worst cold I ever had since beginning of my life and I am suffering, probably I will drink a bottle of wine later and forget all about it haha.
I miss my father and this year it is the first year I dont spend christmas eve with my mother. Instead I sit with my sister and her husband, their kids and her husbands mother and the famous "Tante Irmchen" something like "Aunt Irmchen". I have never met her and I am not very eager to but it will probably be fun. I know that the mother of my sisters husband (let's call her Annie) is very friendly to Tante Irmchen, cause Tante Irmchen has a lot of money and owns some appartements. And Annie likes to travel and her best skill is to burn her money for some odd things like clothes, beauty surgeries and all that. Unfortunately Annie has no money anymore and Tante Irmchen doesnt wanna die. But Annie will get money and an appartement in case Tante Irmchen dies and so she is very friendly to her.
Knowing all that and knowing they dont know that I know gives me some sadistic pleasure and I know my sister and me will just lean back, sip our wine and grin to each other. Oh what a holy night! My sisters 2 kids will get a lot of presents except from Tante Irmchen I think, well did I mention she hates to spend her money on such odd things? Probably Annie likes it cause more will be left for her and I know we will have to listen to her complains about her poor life and how less money she has. I really pity her that she cannot do three cruises a year anymore and also no face lifting, life can really suck. I hope I won't laugh when her complains become louder and louder until my sisters husband will give her 100 Euro so she can at least buy herself something to eat the next day. He will probably give her 50 Euro more when my nephew accidently spill some redwine on her (new) Chanel dress.
I will lean back, enjoy the holy night and think how lucky I am with my no name skirt, my trinkets and my wrinkled face. In two days I will see my mother and that will be my real christmas eve.
I miss my father and this year it is the first year I dont spend christmas eve with my mother. Instead I sit with my sister and her husband, their kids and her husbands mother and the famous "Tante Irmchen" something like "Aunt Irmchen". I have never met her and I am not very eager to but it will probably be fun. I know that the mother of my sisters husband (let's call her Annie) is very friendly to Tante Irmchen, cause Tante Irmchen has a lot of money and owns some appartements. And Annie likes to travel and her best skill is to burn her money for some odd things like clothes, beauty surgeries and all that. Unfortunately Annie has no money anymore and Tante Irmchen doesnt wanna die. But Annie will get money and an appartement in case Tante Irmchen dies and so she is very friendly to her.
Knowing all that and knowing they dont know that I know gives me some sadistic pleasure and I know my sister and me will just lean back, sip our wine and grin to each other. Oh what a holy night! My sisters 2 kids will get a lot of presents except from Tante Irmchen I think, well did I mention she hates to spend her money on such odd things? Probably Annie likes it cause more will be left for her and I know we will have to listen to her complains about her poor life and how less money she has. I really pity her that she cannot do three cruises a year anymore and also no face lifting, life can really suck. I hope I won't laugh when her complains become louder and louder until my sisters husband will give her 100 Euro so she can at least buy herself something to eat the next day. He will probably give her 50 Euro more when my nephew accidently spill some redwine on her (new) Chanel dress.
I will lean back, enjoy the holy night and think how lucky I am with my no name skirt, my trinkets and my wrinkled face. In two days I will see my mother and that will be my real christmas eve.
December 17, 2009
Shopping
I have been shopping a lot lately. Usually I try to compensate something or do it when I think I have earned it cause I worked a lot or something else. But the reason was that I didn't really bought something new the last 2 years. Only the most necessary stuff. After an inspection of my closet I found out that I only have jeans and shirts. Wow, jeans and shirts. Awesome. Nothing nice for going out, well at least nothing that still fits.
It's not that I feel super awesome or pretty but today I went out for dinner and I wore my brand new skirt, a nice top and some hot boots and I felt hot. I felt some gazes on my thighs and butt and it made me smile. Guess I am starting to feel pretty again! I deserve that!
It's not that I feel super awesome or pretty but today I went out for dinner and I wore my brand new skirt, a nice top and some hot boots and I felt hot. I felt some gazes on my thighs and butt and it made me smile. Guess I am starting to feel pretty again! I deserve that!
December 13, 2009
For you
"I Don't Believe You"
I don't mind it
I don't mind at all
It's like you're the swing set and I'm the kid that falls
It's like the way we fight, the times I've cried, we come to blows
And every night the passion's there so it's gotta be right, right?
No I don't believe you
When you say don't come around here no more
I won't remind you
You said we wouldn't be apart
No, I don't believe you
When you say you don't need me anymore
So don't pretend
To not love me at all
I don't mind it
I still don't mind at all
It's like one of those bad dreams when you can't wake up
Looks like you've given up, you've had enough
But I want more no I won't stop
'cause I just know you'll come around... right?
Just don't stand there and watch me fall
'cause I, 'cause I still don't mind at all
It's like the way we fight, the times I cry, we come to blows
And every night the passion's there so it's gotta be right, right?
I don't believe you
I don't mind it
I don't mind at all
It's like you're the swing set and I'm the kid that falls
It's like the way we fight, the times I've cried, we come to blows
And every night the passion's there so it's gotta be right, right?
No I don't believe you
When you say don't come around here no more
I won't remind you
You said we wouldn't be apart
No, I don't believe you
When you say you don't need me anymore
So don't pretend
To not love me at all
I don't mind it
I still don't mind at all
It's like one of those bad dreams when you can't wake up
Looks like you've given up, you've had enough
But I want more no I won't stop
'cause I just know you'll come around... right?
Just don't stand there and watch me fall
'cause I, 'cause I still don't mind at all
It's like the way we fight, the times I cry, we come to blows
And every night the passion's there so it's gotta be right, right?
I don't believe you
December 9, 2009
I like ...
David Garrett, the most handsome and talented German I've seen since a long time. Germany goes nuts since a year and women faint wherever he shows up. His music is amazing and his talent is stunning.
Fast forward to 2.20
"melts"
Fast forward to 2.20
"melts"
December 8, 2009
Message to vault
From above you can see my heart beating, I am still here trying to live my life. I am not leaving yet and my eyes are looking upward telling you how much I miss you. My tears trickle on the cold stone where your name is written upon, just anonymous letters who cannot tell the story of your life. I breathe your name, give it color and face the past in the mirrow of my soul. You are still alive in my heart, in my soul. Whatever happened doesnt matter anymore, but I still feel the pain like a knife in my heart. So many words unspoken, did you really know I love you no matter what had happened before? Tears cooling my cheeks but not the suffer of the loss, too early you had to go, too many what if's penetrate my thoughts again and again. Your life is part of mine and will always be, my blood is yours and you live through me.
Miss you so much, Papa.
Miss you so much, Papa.
December 5, 2009
Fly Party
What do you do when you're bored?
This is my suggestion:
1. Kill some flies
2. Dry them for one hour in the sun or on the heating
3. Take paper and a pen and be creative.
You'll see, you aren't bored anymore :-P
LOL
This is my suggestion:
1. Kill some flies
2. Dry them for one hour in the sun or on the heating
3. Take paper and a pen and be creative.
You'll see, you aren't bored anymore :-P
LOL
December 4, 2009
Up's and Down's
I know I should be creative and write something funny to enlighten the world, but I so dont feel like it. To be honest, I have no clue what to write, I just feel frustrated, empty, down, ugly, sick, unloved and not in the mood to do anything at all.
And I know after each "Down" comes an "Up", so tonight I will drink a nice glass of red wine (or two) and await the "Up" with open arms. I will suffer in self-pity and humbly accept my bestowed fate.
I will listen to sad music, eat half a kilo of chocolate and a ton of cheese. I will feel even more bad and late at night I will shower in my tears. To crown it all I may watch a Brokeback mountain or worse or just watch the stars and think of the meaning of life, the pollution, the hungry people all over the world and the billions of animals suffering of human violence and cruelty.
Yeah, all that.
And I know after each "Down" comes an "Up", so tonight I will drink a nice glass of red wine (or two) and await the "Up" with open arms. I will suffer in self-pity and humbly accept my bestowed fate.
I will listen to sad music, eat half a kilo of chocolate and a ton of cheese. I will feel even more bad and late at night I will shower in my tears. To crown it all I may watch a Brokeback mountain or worse or just watch the stars and think of the meaning of life, the pollution, the hungry people all over the world and the billions of animals suffering of human violence and cruelty.
Yeah, all that.
November 26, 2009
November 25, 2009
Panic
Today I have been in a situation where I saw the worst coming like a film in front of my eyes within split second. I was actor in a movie with no happy end. But as strange the situation was, as strange I acted. I was between panic and total calmness, my actions were right and calm but inside myself I screamed of fear to loose something very important.
Fortunately I was bright enough to call help and thank the genius who came up with cell phones, the situation was safe after a short while.
But during these seconds I felt filled up with panic and helplessness are still flickering in my thoughts, feelings I cannot suppress easily. I was quite lucky under the circumstances and I cannot believe it really. When you expect the worst its hard to believe you had so much luck in the end.
I am still bewildered. But relieved.
Fortunately I was bright enough to call help and thank the genius who came up with cell phones, the situation was safe after a short while.
But during these seconds I felt filled up with panic and helplessness are still flickering in my thoughts, feelings I cannot suppress easily. I was quite lucky under the circumstances and I cannot believe it really. When you expect the worst its hard to believe you had so much luck in the end.
I am still bewildered. But relieved.
November 21, 2009
November 20, 2009
I am
I am
The sun to brighten your day
The moon to shine for you in the dark
The laughter to alleviate your despair
The crutch to shed your worries
I am
The rosepetal at your feet
The exultation of your spirit
The reflection of you inner desires
The light that shines for you when all other lights are gone
I am
The fragrance to spice up your life
The ejector of your weirdest dreams
The leading part in your naughtiest fantasy
The dust bin of your emotional viciousness
I am for you
The sun to brighten your day
The moon to shine for you in the dark
The laughter to alleviate your despair
The crutch to shed your worries
I am
The rosepetal at your feet
The exultation of your spirit
The reflection of you inner desires
The light that shines for you when all other lights are gone
I am
The fragrance to spice up your life
The ejector of your weirdest dreams
The leading part in your naughtiest fantasy
The dust bin of your emotional viciousness
I am for you
Quote
“A true friend knows your weaknesses but shows you your strengths; feels your fears but fortifies your faith; sees your anxieties but frees your spirit; recognizes your disabilities but emphasizes your possibilities.”
William Arthur Ward
November 17, 2009
What if ...
... I wouldn't have been born in Europe but in some poor Third-World country?
... the German Wall wouldn't have been dropped and USSR hadn't been split into seperate states?
... I would have been born as a boy? I know I would have been called 'Sascha' and it doesn't make me really happy "coughs". Maybe I had a ton of kids now or be a lonely man travelling around the world with only a rucksack...
... Gor would really exist? I am sure I would get myself in some trouble and end up in chains somewhere on a slavemarket. Or maybe I am smart and be a Scribe in some decent southern city..?
... the Iraq war had never happened?
... I had chosen another profession, something I really love? I wished I would have known that when I was young.
... there would be peace on earth? No crime, no violence, no humilitation, no suffer... What to do with all the remaining testosterone?
... the medicine wouldn't have made any advances since medieval times? The natural selection would probably have taken advantage, maybe our planet would be much healthier than it is now?
... we didn't have internet, mobile phone, blackberry and all that? I would probably do a puzzle right now or write my diary with a pen :-)
There are so many "What if's" I use to think about, too many to write them all down. What if I wouldn't think about "What if's"?
... the German Wall wouldn't have been dropped and USSR hadn't been split into seperate states?
... I would have been born as a boy? I know I would have been called 'Sascha' and it doesn't make me really happy "coughs". Maybe I had a ton of kids now or be a lonely man travelling around the world with only a rucksack...
... Gor would really exist? I am sure I would get myself in some trouble and end up in chains somewhere on a slavemarket. Or maybe I am smart and be a Scribe in some decent southern city..?
... the Iraq war had never happened?
... I had chosen another profession, something I really love? I wished I would have known that when I was young.
... there would be peace on earth? No crime, no violence, no humilitation, no suffer... What to do with all the remaining testosterone?
... the medicine wouldn't have made any advances since medieval times? The natural selection would probably have taken advantage, maybe our planet would be much healthier than it is now?
... we didn't have internet, mobile phone, blackberry and all that? I would probably do a puzzle right now or write my diary with a pen :-)
There are so many "What if's" I use to think about, too many to write them all down. What if I wouldn't think about "What if's"?
November 16, 2009
Things I want to do
There are some things I really want to do, I always promised myself I would one day. Some are lifetime goals, some are goals I have for the near future.
1. Do a skydiving
2. Visit New York City
3. Become more self-conscious
4. Loose 10 kg weight
5. See the Northern Lights
6. Stay healthy without needing machines
7. See a-ha in Oslo at their last concert
8. Get a leading role in a stage play
9. Finally finishing learning to play the gituar
10. Learn the piano
11. Know and dance all Line Dance dances
12. Go on a road trip through the United States
13. Keep my friends for my lifetime
14. Find a new job in a company I really like
15. Do something nice to someone who will never find out
16. Remove my pubic hair with laser therapy (!)
17. Fulfil at least one of my sexual fantasies
18. Fight more against animal abuse
19. Refresh my italian language knowledge
20. Learn more about my own country
21. Sleep under the stars
22. Get some extensions again
23. Go skiing to Austria very soon
24. Go out to the clubs with my friend again
25. Make other people smile
..to be continued...
1. Do a skydiving
2. Visit New York City
3. Become more self-conscious
4. Loose 10 kg weight
5. See the Northern Lights
6. Stay healthy without needing machines
7. See a-ha in Oslo at their last concert
8. Get a leading role in a stage play
9. Finally finishing learning to play the gituar
10. Learn the piano
11. Know and dance all Line Dance dances
12. Go on a road trip through the United States
13. Keep my friends for my lifetime
14. Find a new job in a company I really like
15. Do something nice to someone who will never find out
16. Remove my pubic hair with laser therapy (!)
17. Fulfil at least one of my sexual fantasies
18. Fight more against animal abuse
19. Refresh my italian language knowledge
20. Learn more about my own country
21. Sleep under the stars
22. Get some extensions again
23. Go skiing to Austria very soon
24. Go out to the clubs with my friend again
25. Make other people smile
..to be continued...
November 13, 2009
Wax in the City
I remember the first time I have been to a waxing studio. It was summer and I wanted to get rid of some hair. Well, apparently so. When I looked up their website I decided to get a "Brazilian Landing Stripe". Huh, I was impressed and apparently it was something very "hip" so I had to have it.
Now you might wonder what I am talking about and I can understand if you do. Here is some education of what a brazilian waxing is:
To put it simply, a brazilian waxing is the removal of all pubic hair except a little "decoration" or just coatless :)
So far so good. Finally I made my way into that studio with a smile on my face. I got a warm welcome and someone guided me into a small room with a nice comment to strip "downbelow". I stood there, nothing on my body except a white shirt and pink socks and waited.
The curtain lifted and the "executor" moved in. "Hello I am Sandra. Please lay down and spread your legs", she said to me in a friendly and professional tone. Except the Sandra-part I have heard that sentence a few times before already, maybe a tad hoarser but you can´t have everything.
I laid down, spread my legs and felt quite uneasy with displaying my little Mony to her. I calmed myself by thinking she might had seen something like that before and tried to relax. She stood right next to me and turned on a super duper light lamp to inspect my pubic area!
I dont think I remember someone looking with a flashlight at my pussy before so I felt just a bit uncomfortable.
"So....", she said. And put her head a bit more down inspecting my labias and butt now. I breathed deeply. I always get this red little dots on my face when I am insecure or very nervous, and that was such a situation. So...? What did that mean? Why did she say that?
"You wish a brazilian landing stripe?" she asked me and I could swear her tone was kind of disconcerting. Only able to nod I watched her preparing the torture equipment. At that moment I was about to jump off the bed and run. And maybe I should have done it because the rest of the session wasn`t very amusing.
I have waxed myself before so I thought I am aware of the pain it causes. But I had never waxed my pubic area before. My screams echoed through the whole shop and I almost fainted as she waxed my labias the third time. "There is still hair left", she said and I could swear to hear some kind of sadistic pleasure in her voice.
The real kicker was the final waxing of my battycrease. I didn`t know I have hair at that spot and I didn`t realize it would hurt so much! She looked at me slightly worried "Are you ok? Next time it won`t hurt so much anymore", and her steady smile made me wanting to put my fist right in her face. As if there would be a next time ever! I grunted and felt tears of pain running down my cheeks.
Sore and shocked I crawled down the bed, I felt like being tortured for hours. Releived to be still alive I put my pants back on and didn`t dare to look on my red swollen and painfully pulsating pussylips.
I was busy to leave the wax studio and noticed the receptionist smirked when I passed. I never went back there again.
But since I am having bad side effects from shaving which I don`t wanna mention here (!) I am considering doing it again. But I am really really afraid of it.
For all men: Yes, you can get a nice waxing too. Please choose your style :-)
Mmmmhmm, i like "The Pilot".
Now you might wonder what I am talking about and I can understand if you do. Here is some education of what a brazilian waxing is:
To put it simply, a brazilian waxing is the removal of all pubic hair except a little "decoration" or just coatless :)
So far so good. Finally I made my way into that studio with a smile on my face. I got a warm welcome and someone guided me into a small room with a nice comment to strip "downbelow". I stood there, nothing on my body except a white shirt and pink socks and waited.
The curtain lifted and the "executor" moved in. "Hello I am Sandra. Please lay down and spread your legs", she said to me in a friendly and professional tone. Except the Sandra-part I have heard that sentence a few times before already, maybe a tad hoarser but you can´t have everything.
I laid down, spread my legs and felt quite uneasy with displaying my little Mony to her. I calmed myself by thinking she might had seen something like that before and tried to relax. She stood right next to me and turned on a super duper light lamp to inspect my pubic area!
I dont think I remember someone looking with a flashlight at my pussy before so I felt just a bit uncomfortable.
"So....", she said. And put her head a bit more down inspecting my labias and butt now. I breathed deeply. I always get this red little dots on my face when I am insecure or very nervous, and that was such a situation. So...? What did that mean? Why did she say that?
"You wish a brazilian landing stripe?" she asked me and I could swear her tone was kind of disconcerting. Only able to nod I watched her preparing the torture equipment. At that moment I was about to jump off the bed and run. And maybe I should have done it because the rest of the session wasn`t very amusing.
I have waxed myself before so I thought I am aware of the pain it causes. But I had never waxed my pubic area before. My screams echoed through the whole shop and I almost fainted as she waxed my labias the third time. "There is still hair left", she said and I could swear to hear some kind of sadistic pleasure in her voice.
The real kicker was the final waxing of my battycrease. I didn`t know I have hair at that spot and I didn`t realize it would hurt so much! She looked at me slightly worried "Are you ok? Next time it won`t hurt so much anymore", and her steady smile made me wanting to put my fist right in her face. As if there would be a next time ever! I grunted and felt tears of pain running down my cheeks.
Sore and shocked I crawled down the bed, I felt like being tortured for hours. Releived to be still alive I put my pants back on and didn`t dare to look on my red swollen and painfully pulsating pussylips.
I was busy to leave the wax studio and noticed the receptionist smirked when I passed. I never went back there again.
But since I am having bad side effects from shaving which I don`t wanna mention here (!) I am considering doing it again. But I am really really afraid of it.
For all men: Yes, you can get a nice waxing too. Please choose your style :-)
Mmmmhmm, i like "The Pilot".
Funny
Two days ago I was shopping with my best friend and we found that "tester". Guess how we looked like after we have tried it out? "grunt"
November 12, 2009
It´s not all about me
I messed up a complete roleplay scenario. I deserve a hundred million Linden Dollars because noone could have done better than me. I deserve an award, a medal and much more.
The hardest part for me is that I know people are pissed and will probably avoid me. And I know they have reason for it. I managed to take over the complete roleplay scenario (capture scene) and dominate the whole thing. The worst part is, I didnt notice it after all. In the end a participant tp`ed out angrily and I still had no clue why.
Finally someone told me very gentle about my mistake and I really had a hard time to swallow my pride. I get this weird feeling in my belly up to my throat, my cheeks redden and all in me want to defend and say that everyone else messed but me. Pride is a bad attitude and I very dislike it on myself. Also my stubbornness is a pure pain in the ass. But I cannot help myself. Within time I got more calm but I am still very hot tempered in such situations.
To admit my fault and actually LEARN out of it is not easy for me in the first step. After the roleplay I had a talk with a certain person and during the talk I went through an emotional roller coaster. Anger, frustration, desperation, self-doubts and sorrow.
It really affected me RL and I still feel this lump in my throat. But when I look into myself I can realize my mistake and I will change it. Dominating a roleplay scenario as a slave is not a charm at all, especially when more Free than slaves are involved.
I will not try to justify, cause I really really messed all up. And I feel bad about it. I will try and take myself back a bit, I think I just see myself to much centered in all that roleplay thing.
Someone special to me said once: "It´s not all about you."
And she was right. Thanks Kat!
The hardest part for me is that I know people are pissed and will probably avoid me. And I know they have reason for it. I managed to take over the complete roleplay scenario (capture scene) and dominate the whole thing. The worst part is, I didnt notice it after all. In the end a participant tp`ed out angrily and I still had no clue why.
Finally someone told me very gentle about my mistake and I really had a hard time to swallow my pride. I get this weird feeling in my belly up to my throat, my cheeks redden and all in me want to defend and say that everyone else messed but me. Pride is a bad attitude and I very dislike it on myself. Also my stubbornness is a pure pain in the ass. But I cannot help myself. Within time I got more calm but I am still very hot tempered in such situations.
To admit my fault and actually LEARN out of it is not easy for me in the first step. After the roleplay I had a talk with a certain person and during the talk I went through an emotional roller coaster. Anger, frustration, desperation, self-doubts and sorrow.
It really affected me RL and I still feel this lump in my throat. But when I look into myself I can realize my mistake and I will change it. Dominating a roleplay scenario as a slave is not a charm at all, especially when more Free than slaves are involved.
I will not try to justify, cause I really really messed all up. And I feel bad about it. I will try and take myself back a bit, I think I just see myself to much centered in all that roleplay thing.
Someone special to me said once: "It´s not all about you."
And she was right. Thanks Kat!
November 10, 2009
Die Berliner Mauer / The Berlin Wall
The Fall of the Berlin wall is 20 years and 1 day ago. I remember I sat in front of the TV and couldn`t really believe it. Without all the people demonstrating against the socialistic regime, the border wouldn`t have been opened yet. It is amazing how many people were demonstrating and when I see pictures of the November 9th 1989 I always feel very attached.
I am glad we are united, though we have to work on the intregration of our minds still, but Germany is now what it should be.
When I was a kid of 6 years old I ask my best friend, who lived next door, why her grandma would never visit her. She told me, her grandma wasn`t allowed to travel out of the DDR and they dont have pantyhoses so they would always send them boxes with lots of gifts like coffee and all that.
I couldn`t really believe it. I was raised in the "West" and we didn`t had any relations in East Germany. She then told me about how her grandma lived in the DDR and that they sometimes visit them. This picture comes into my head all the time I think of Germany was parted into two halfs... two little girls sitting on a garbage bin and talking about East and West Germany.
I am glad we are united, though we have to work on the intregration of our minds still, but Germany is now what it should be.
When I was a kid of 6 years old I ask my best friend, who lived next door, why her grandma would never visit her. She told me, her grandma wasn`t allowed to travel out of the DDR and they dont have pantyhoses so they would always send them boxes with lots of gifts like coffee and all that.
I couldn`t really believe it. I was raised in the "West" and we didn`t had any relations in East Germany. She then told me about how her grandma lived in the DDR and that they sometimes visit them. This picture comes into my head all the time I think of Germany was parted into two halfs... two little girls sitting on a garbage bin and talking about East and West Germany.
November 9, 2009
Politician
May I introduce Germanys new Foreign Minister/Secretary of State Mr. Guido Westerwelle?
"shake head and sigh"
"shake head and sigh"
Not everything is black or white
Artwork "Not everything is black or white" by Gina Parr
By watching this artwork I try to count the amount of greyshades and I know there are a lot more than I think. I often catch myself thinking "Its either like this OR like that". It is not most of the time. Life has so many surprises we can not imagine, and once you turn left instead of right you get offered a new perspective.
Sometimes you have to walk through black to see white again, and sometimes it is all grey for a vast amount of time. Sometimes it is hard to devide grey from either white or black and you feel lost, struggling in a sea of emotions.
There are many ways to go, I try to get the right turnoff, I get lost at a junction without any signs. My brain is confused and I need a while to sort my thoughts in the right direction. I will never know if I have taken the perfect turnoff, cause I dont know what the other options had been.
Life is a one-way street but sometimes you find a similiar turnoff and then you know what to do!
By watching this artwork I try to count the amount of greyshades and I know there are a lot more than I think. I often catch myself thinking "Its either like this OR like that". It is not most of the time. Life has so many surprises we can not imagine, and once you turn left instead of right you get offered a new perspective.
Sometimes you have to walk through black to see white again, and sometimes it is all grey for a vast amount of time. Sometimes it is hard to devide grey from either white or black and you feel lost, struggling in a sea of emotions.
There are many ways to go, I try to get the right turnoff, I get lost at a junction without any signs. My brain is confused and I need a while to sort my thoughts in the right direction. I will never know if I have taken the perfect turnoff, cause I dont know what the other options had been.
Life is a one-way street but sometimes you find a similiar turnoff and then you know what to do!
He
He is World Heavyweight Petting Champion
He is Opening-Artist of Women-Lingerie Closures
He is First Advisor of the Global-Satisfaction Industry
He is Technical Support of Pussy Affairs
He won the award in the multiple-orgasm category
His tongue-imprint garnishes the walk of fame
His penis is the pioneer of sexual mastery
His butt is the aristocracy of human convexity
He can dance, He likes trance, women melt by his His glance
He is bright, He can fight, He makes a girl wet on sight
He doesn`t care, He isn`t fair but He tames every mare
He goes with the flow, He loves the blow and never takes it slow
He makes you cry, tomorrow you fly by spreading your thigh
He is gone in the dawn, He is busy to spawn and take your love in pawn
He is nice, He cums twice, He thrives in the game of dice
He is grown, He owns your moan and gloats on His throne
He is Opening-Artist of Women-Lingerie Closures
He is First Advisor of the Global-Satisfaction Industry
He is Technical Support of Pussy Affairs
He won the award in the multiple-orgasm category
His tongue-imprint garnishes the walk of fame
His penis is the pioneer of sexual mastery
His butt is the aristocracy of human convexity
He can dance, He likes trance, women melt by his His glance
He is bright, He can fight, He makes a girl wet on sight
He doesn`t care, He isn`t fair but He tames every mare
He goes with the flow, He loves the blow and never takes it slow
He makes you cry, tomorrow you fly by spreading your thigh
He is gone in the dawn, He is busy to spawn and take your love in pawn
He is nice, He cums twice, He thrives in the game of dice
He is grown, He owns your moan and gloats on His throne
November 7, 2009
Silent Tears
A poem that touches me.
Silent Tears
A thunderous silence
breaks through my thoughts.
What was once many great ideas
is now a triumph, lost.
Baffling words tumble through my mind.
Reflections of darkness hover.
A disturbing peacefulness beckons to me,
and inside myself, I take cover.
What would it be like to stay there forever?
To be lost in all my cares?
From the inside, looking out -
I cry silent tears.
by Heather Loughton
Silent Tears
A thunderous silence
breaks through my thoughts.
What was once many great ideas
is now a triumph, lost.
Baffling words tumble through my mind.
Reflections of darkness hover.
A disturbing peacefulness beckons to me,
and inside myself, I take cover.
What would it be like to stay there forever?
To be lost in all my cares?
From the inside, looking out -
I cry silent tears.
by Heather Loughton
November 6, 2009
A ride
The morning fog has just disappeared and I listen to a bird complaining about our presence, the breath of my horse spreads out of its nostrils and clouds for a short moment. I smell the moist leaves laying on the ground already, but there are still some left on the trees and I admire the landscape with its extensive fall colors.
Slowly we move forward, I feel how my horse relaxes beneath me, my thighs ease lightly and I loose the reins. "Fly..", I whisper her name and watch my little chestnut mare turns one ear back to me. I smile, I always enjoy being together with her.
A light rain soaks my riding pants, but Fly is eagerly moving forward on the slick mud watching the environment observantly, I admire how sure-footed this horse is. The slick sound goes in a steady rhythm and I inhale the moist November air deeply. Alternately Flys ears turn to all directions and her muscles flexes as she notices something rustle in the underwoods. I force her to move faster, to face the demon and shake my head amused. After 15 years together with me "on the road" she should know there is nothing to fear.
We reach a long sandy path and I press my thighs tighter around her flanks, she is almost nodding and breaks into an extended gallop. The rain whips my face and reddens my cheekflesh, I rise lightly in the saddle to comfort my horses back and close my eyes for a moment. Adrenaline pumps into my veins and I listen to the excited snorts of my horse. This is the moment where human and horse are closest together, a complete matching pair in absolute harmony.
Rain mixes with tears on my face and I edge Fly on, the strong horse body lowers closer to the ground and its legs reach out more extensive. I cry. I cry loudly. I scream and shout into the wind and rain as we gallop faster and faster through the forest. I regret, I believe, I love, I feel angry, I treasure, I just feel. Feel all the emotions I use to stifle or hide.
When we are back at the horse stable we both feel exhausted but enriched. The tight bond between us will never disappear, no matter what happens. Touching her warm fur I cry again.
Slowly we move forward, I feel how my horse relaxes beneath me, my thighs ease lightly and I loose the reins. "Fly..", I whisper her name and watch my little chestnut mare turns one ear back to me. I smile, I always enjoy being together with her.
A light rain soaks my riding pants, but Fly is eagerly moving forward on the slick mud watching the environment observantly, I admire how sure-footed this horse is. The slick sound goes in a steady rhythm and I inhale the moist November air deeply. Alternately Flys ears turn to all directions and her muscles flexes as she notices something rustle in the underwoods. I force her to move faster, to face the demon and shake my head amused. After 15 years together with me "on the road" she should know there is nothing to fear.
We reach a long sandy path and I press my thighs tighter around her flanks, she is almost nodding and breaks into an extended gallop. The rain whips my face and reddens my cheekflesh, I rise lightly in the saddle to comfort my horses back and close my eyes for a moment. Adrenaline pumps into my veins and I listen to the excited snorts of my horse. This is the moment where human and horse are closest together, a complete matching pair in absolute harmony.
Rain mixes with tears on my face and I edge Fly on, the strong horse body lowers closer to the ground and its legs reach out more extensive. I cry. I cry loudly. I scream and shout into the wind and rain as we gallop faster and faster through the forest. I regret, I believe, I love, I feel angry, I treasure, I just feel. Feel all the emotions I use to stifle or hide.
When we are back at the horse stable we both feel exhausted but enriched. The tight bond between us will never disappear, no matter what happens. Touching her warm fur I cry again.
November 4, 2009
ALTing
I have alts. Many of them aren`t of use except for modelling for the shop. But i love alts. They are great. I feel like a 12 years old girl again playing with Barbie dolls. I can dress them, style their hair and give them any attitude I like.
Only alts are much cooler. I can change hair color with one click, make her fat or skinny, tall or small. I love it!
A yay for having alts!
Only alts are much cooler. I can change hair color with one click, make her fat or skinny, tall or small. I love it!
A yay for having alts!
October 31, 2009
25 years a-ha
I have been a fan since "Take on me" was released and I melt when the three Norwegians come on the stage. I have every album from them and I can proudly say, I know every song word for word.
Yesterday I was at their (last?) concert in Hamburg and it was again overwhelming and breathtaking. My heart is still pounding and I still feel a bit dizzy to be honest. I wanna share some moments I have had with a-ha.
I dont have any digital pictures of the concerts I have been to before 2005, so that´s all I got. Lets start in Hamburg 2005, the year of their "Analogue"-tour, a great album btw. Here is my favourite song from that album, "Cozy Prison" they played at the Hamburg concert and recorded by me (first row seating of course :-)
Some pics from the concert
After that I went with a friend to London in January 2006, where we were blessed to get tickets to a small gig in a CD shop with only 400 other people and autograph session with the band. The very best best best experience I´ve made with them so far, and ohhh myy..I still melt thinking of it! See yourself:
Getting autographs after 7 tracks
And finally I stand in front of them
And now, omg, I asked Morten if I could take a pic. He nodded and tadaaaa this IS the pic. He looks at ME! OMG! OMG!OMG!
And then there was this concert in Hamburg last night. Yum yum! Breathtaking like always, I want MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!
..to be continued...
Oh and here is the latest song they released, and its a great hit in UK and Germany so far!
Yesterday I was at their (last?) concert in Hamburg and it was again overwhelming and breathtaking. My heart is still pounding and I still feel a bit dizzy to be honest. I wanna share some moments I have had with a-ha.
I dont have any digital pictures of the concerts I have been to before 2005, so that´s all I got. Lets start in Hamburg 2005, the year of their "Analogue"-tour, a great album btw. Here is my favourite song from that album, "Cozy Prison" they played at the Hamburg concert and recorded by me (first row seating of course :-)
Some pics from the concert
After that I went with a friend to London in January 2006, where we were blessed to get tickets to a small gig in a CD shop with only 400 other people and autograph session with the band. The very best best best experience I´ve made with them so far, and ohhh myy..I still melt thinking of it! See yourself:
Getting autographs after 7 tracks
And finally I stand in front of them
And now, omg, I asked Morten if I could take a pic. He nodded and tadaaaa this IS the pic. He looks at ME! OMG! OMG!OMG!
And then there was this concert in Hamburg last night. Yum yum! Breathtaking like always, I want MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!
..to be continued...
Oh and here is the latest song they released, and its a great hit in UK and Germany so far!
October 26, 2009
October 23, 2009
Nosy neighbours
I have nosy neighbours, in fact they are annoying and i try to avoid them as much as i can. The only thing i say to them is "Hi" or "Bye", somtimes "Thanks" or some little chithcat like that. But they are staring at me everytime they see me. I know they have retired from work and there is probably nothing spectacular happen anymore in their lifes. I might even say that gossip is their only joy of life.
Today i met them at the parking lot in front of our appartement house and after i greeted them they walked to their door. I had company and we carried some grocery to the entry. I could feel my neighbours walking extra slow and i wonder if they have a serious neck affliction after almost twisting their heads off by watching us.
All the time i pass them they stop talking and walking and stare at me.
I am so tempted to offer them a photography of mine next time they behave like that, just to annoy them. I would like to shout all across the parking lot if they have nothing better to do, bitchy as hell.
But of course i do not. I will smile as friendly as ever and keep saying "Hi" and "Bye". And grunt when i enter my appartement.
...and i listen to that song when i am highly annoyed!
Today i met them at the parking lot in front of our appartement house and after i greeted them they walked to their door. I had company and we carried some grocery to the entry. I could feel my neighbours walking extra slow and i wonder if they have a serious neck affliction after almost twisting their heads off by watching us.
All the time i pass them they stop talking and walking and stare at me.
I am so tempted to offer them a photography of mine next time they behave like that, just to annoy them. I would like to shout all across the parking lot if they have nothing better to do, bitchy as hell.
But of course i do not. I will smile as friendly as ever and keep saying "Hi" and "Bye". And grunt when i enter my appartement.
...and i listen to that song when i am highly annoyed!
October 18, 2009
Happiness
Its one of these days i could tell the whole world that i am happy. So here i am telling you that i am happy. It´s not all about myself, yet i could tell that i have a cool boyfriend, a nice family, good friends and all that. But i think its more. Maybe i feel happy cause i feel needed, i feel i have a place in this world, someone needs me and i wanna be there. I feel blessed cause i received a gift which i treasure every day again. I feel happy and i wanna give back so much!
I thought about this quote a while and i feel very attached the more i read it.
I thought about this quote a while and i feel very attached the more i read it.
I don't know what your destiny will be, but one thing I do know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who have sought and found how to serve.
- Albert Schweitzer -
October 17, 2009
Freakshow of Gor - Part 1
What i saw during my travels through Gor.
Do you wanna suck those nipplerings? You might need a dentist after...
Where the hell did she buy those nipples? And where do they sell gorean candycanes?
Slut in a gown...? Hmmmm.....
Pregnant and whipped slave at the hub whining, what an adventure...
Do you wanna suck those nipplerings? You might need a dentist after...Where the hell did she buy those nipples? And where do they sell gorean candycanes?Slut in a gown...? Hmmmm.....Pregnant and whipped slave at the hub whining, what an adventure...
October 12, 2009
Half roleplay, Semi-OOC and all that
I am not a person of either black or white. I mean i can also see things grey, shadowed, shaded, nothing is always either the one or the other (even if my picture says different, hehe)
BUT when it comes to Gor i am a really back/white type of woman. I mean this world is man dominated. Hey you didnt knew that yet? Then welcome to the world of dumb slaves, coddled princesses with pink ribbons in their hair, femlaws carrying sword, bow and 10 daggers all in one and Masters whose name in SL is actually Master with a profile entry "i am strong, i am dangerous, blahblah" and whose every second sentence ends with "smiles".
Well i can live with that, really, i do. I´ve seen much in my SL-life so far and i am barely shocked about anything. There is only one thing that i wonder about. What the hell is "half-roleplay" and "semi-ooc"? Wait, i try to explain it like it had been explained to me (won`t mention names here):
Example for Semi-ooc:
There is a council meeting which is supposed to be ooc, everyone may speak their minds in the open chat, but slaves have to serve the Free (in IM`s so it wont bother the meeting) and they are suppose to address the Free still as Master/Mistress.
Wow, i needed a moment to think about what a crappy shit that is. My IM´s are always ooc, so why would i bring Masterdude1 a virtual mead he never drinks anyway? He will probably only answer with a "Thank you girl, go on serve others" and i spend maybe 20 minutes of my precious time to perform some serves which are no serves!? Its semi-ooc cause its not ooc but it is ooc the same time? I can speak my mind in a meeting but have to be aware of what my place it? So i have to act like a slave and talk the same time for example "oh no i dont want femlaws in our sim" or "DudeXY had done that, lets ban him", is that what semi-ooc means? That´s ooc in my eyes. And the biggest shit i`ve ever heard.
The latest thing i heard was "half-roleplay". Apparently a new trend. And it goes like the following:
You stand at a rather non-gorean-roleplay-environment, for example at the Hub, and act like you are in a tavern, probably the same as if you were in a HTML chat. You dont need any backgrounds, your story is that you are thirsty and need a drink or you are horny and need a fuck, or you are super horny and in need of a Master. FW`s dont need an NPC to travel alone , they are at a semi-roleplay area which means they are safe and can be flirty without risking a collar.
Apparently this is called half-roleplay in SL Gor. Wow i am impressed. I chosed SL to have both, the visual and the text to enjoy a suitable roleplay in a gorean environment as closest as possible and now the latest trend is "half-roleplay"? Played by people who are bored of handmade built sims, decorated with sweat and love and payed a lot of money for? I am so not getting it! Why cant they just say:"Hey i am too lazy to build a storyline, i prefer easy roleplay, i wanna just e-sechs or whatever and thats why i do this." Maybe we shall call it "easy-roleplay"or "roleplay-light"? Ha, now i am getting ideas *grins*.
Whatever, semi-ooc and half-roleplay is not me. I´d rather prefer full-perm-furring and double-IC ;-)
See ya!
BUT when it comes to Gor i am a really back/white type of woman. I mean this world is man dominated. Hey you didnt knew that yet? Then welcome to the world of dumb slaves, coddled princesses with pink ribbons in their hair, femlaws carrying sword, bow and 10 daggers all in one and Masters whose name in SL is actually Master with a profile entry "i am strong, i am dangerous, blahblah" and whose every second sentence ends with "smiles".
Well i can live with that, really, i do. I´ve seen much in my SL-life so far and i am barely shocked about anything. There is only one thing that i wonder about. What the hell is "half-roleplay" and "semi-ooc"? Wait, i try to explain it like it had been explained to me (won`t mention names here):
Example for Semi-ooc:
There is a council meeting which is supposed to be ooc, everyone may speak their minds in the open chat, but slaves have to serve the Free (in IM`s so it wont bother the meeting) and they are suppose to address the Free still as Master/Mistress.
Wow, i needed a moment to think about what a crappy shit that is. My IM´s are always ooc, so why would i bring Masterdude1 a virtual mead he never drinks anyway? He will probably only answer with a "Thank you girl, go on serve others" and i spend maybe 20 minutes of my precious time to perform some serves which are no serves!? Its semi-ooc cause its not ooc but it is ooc the same time? I can speak my mind in a meeting but have to be aware of what my place it? So i have to act like a slave and talk the same time for example "oh no i dont want femlaws in our sim" or "DudeXY had done that, lets ban him", is that what semi-ooc means? That´s ooc in my eyes. And the biggest shit i`ve ever heard.
The latest thing i heard was "half-roleplay". Apparently a new trend. And it goes like the following:
You stand at a rather non-gorean-roleplay-environment, for example at the Hub, and act like you are in a tavern, probably the same as if you were in a HTML chat. You dont need any backgrounds, your story is that you are thirsty and need a drink or you are horny and need a fuck, or you are super horny and in need of a Master. FW`s dont need an NPC to travel alone , they are at a semi-roleplay area which means they are safe and can be flirty without risking a collar.
Apparently this is called half-roleplay in SL Gor. Wow i am impressed. I chosed SL to have both, the visual and the text to enjoy a suitable roleplay in a gorean environment as closest as possible and now the latest trend is "half-roleplay"? Played by people who are bored of handmade built sims, decorated with sweat and love and payed a lot of money for? I am so not getting it! Why cant they just say:"Hey i am too lazy to build a storyline, i prefer easy roleplay, i wanna just e-sechs or whatever and thats why i do this." Maybe we shall call it "easy-roleplay"or "roleplay-light"? Ha, now i am getting ideas *grins*.
Whatever, semi-ooc and half-roleplay is not me. I´d rather prefer full-perm-furring and double-IC ;-)
See ya!
October 11, 2009
True Blood
Yesterday i saw the first episode of "True Blood", an american series about vampires drinking synthetic blood and getting etablished in the society. Usually I am not fond of american TV except "The Simpson" because i think they are mostly describe themselves as the heros and rescuer of the world and the storys always have a happy end no matter how stupid it might be. I remember the movie "War of the worlds" with Tom Cruise which was incredible awful! The ending was made as if the director thought "oh dam we have only 5 minutes left and how can we end this movie? Ah yes, the aliens will all suddenly die and then the movie is over". I was so dissapointed, no i was annoyed. No, it pissed me off.
But the series of "True Blood" make me wiggle on my sofa, i wanna see MORE, its awesome! The actors are rather unknown but brilliant and ...yeah...just wow.
Ok, i am out, going to watch "True Blood".
But the series of "True Blood" make me wiggle on my sofa, i wanna see MORE, its awesome! The actors are rather unknown but brilliant and ...yeah...just wow.
Ok, i am out, going to watch "True Blood".
October 9, 2009
Stepford Goreans
I love the movie "Stepford Wives", its awesome and such a good parody. But maybe not all people think its a parody but a good way to be...in Gor.
While i wandered through Gor (and i still do..beware!!!) i found slaves who transformed into brainless waitresses with a always perfect hairstyling and permanent smile on their faces. The ultimative being of a slave is obviously serving (preferred at the docks), smiling and fucking. The vocabulary is simple and even if youre not native english you quickly learn the whole repertoire: "Yes Master", "Paga right away, Master", "Oh yes Master, i am cummin..". Not to forget the repetitives "giggles" and "smiles". But the worst thing is that they seem to be absolutely helpless and shirk responsibility for themselves and anything else. Is that what submission in SL means? I know there are some people out there with a good understanding of SL submission/roleplaying a slave and its fun to be with them. But the crowd of "kajirae" are acting like stepford sluts.
The worst thing is, these stepford sluts have Masters who act like idiots as well. The whole "pats her head" and "strokes her cheeks" is such a farce. Apparently its a good thing to stand at the docks talking to one of the 100 "Bro" while "the gorean Master" strokes his slaves cheek. Of course she serves him a cold Ale at the docks while he talks about the latest bow/sword/axe he bought. The tavern is too far away and he would have to roleplay there probably. Yes, i know, roleplaying is very exhausting and one have to use the brain to create stories, and involving others is even more complicated. So its easier to wait until someone else come up with that and one can flow with it, yes i understand. In the meantime he fondles his slaves head and talk about weapons he never uses anyway... And if his homesim is empty he quickly tp`s to the Gorhub to stroke her cheeks there. I am so impressed, "Goreans".
While i wandered through Gor (and i still do..beware!!!) i found slaves who transformed into brainless waitresses with a always perfect hairstyling and permanent smile on their faces. The ultimative being of a slave is obviously serving (preferred at the docks), smiling and fucking. The vocabulary is simple and even if youre not native english you quickly learn the whole repertoire: "Yes Master", "Paga right away, Master", "Oh yes Master, i am cummin..". Not to forget the repetitives "giggles" and "smiles". But the worst thing is that they seem to be absolutely helpless and shirk responsibility for themselves and anything else. Is that what submission in SL means? I know there are some people out there with a good understanding of SL submission/roleplaying a slave and its fun to be with them. But the crowd of "kajirae" are acting like stepford sluts.
The worst thing is, these stepford sluts have Masters who act like idiots as well. The whole "pats her head" and "strokes her cheeks" is such a farce. Apparently its a good thing to stand at the docks talking to one of the 100 "Bro" while "the gorean Master" strokes his slaves cheek. Of course she serves him a cold Ale at the docks while he talks about the latest bow/sword/axe he bought. The tavern is too far away and he would have to roleplay there probably. Yes, i know, roleplaying is very exhausting and one have to use the brain to create stories, and involving others is even more complicated. So its easier to wait until someone else come up with that and one can flow with it, yes i understand. In the meantime he fondles his slaves head and talk about weapons he never uses anyway... And if his homesim is empty he quickly tp`s to the Gorhub to stroke her cheeks there. I am so impressed, "Goreans".
October 6, 2009
HubFUNction
Do you need entertainment from your boring housewive`s tasks? Is dishwashing and cleaning the dirty socks of your hubby the only thing you do all day long?I love the Hub, i am always excited when i plan to go there and just sit and listen. Lately i sat there with my alt "inkognito" and read profiles. I felt like I`ve been at a speed-dating of the lonely hearts dating agency... Hey, the latest trend: write on the first page of your profile in one or max. two sentences excactly what you want (new Master, lesbian Mistress, blahblah,...) and make sure you sit/kneel at a centered spot and ... just wait. The IM`s will bling and bling. The best thing is, people dont try to do small talk first, nooo they come directly to the point with the first sentence. WOW, you save a lot of time, that`s awesome!
Does your neighbour tell you everyday the same old boring stories?
Are you sick of the real Real Life and wanna experience something totally new?
You are unhappy with your exterior and want to have a complete make-over?
Do wanna meet people without pimples and with full hair, 90-60-90 and always well appareled?
Do you appreciate deep conversation and honesty?
You feel lonely and want to meet the man of your dreams? The one and only forever and ever?
There is a solution! Come to the Gor Hub!
Here are some profile examples I collected in one of my "research tours":
....she wears the collar of a Master gone long ago and now wanders aimlessly searching for one who will rule her heart and mind
Slut seeking Mistress. RLV and XCITE TOKON Hud user. Ive been in SL 6 months, this is an alt.
Sky is leaving gor lays down and takes some berries to make her sleep for 100 years. Can You make my heart beat again?
unowned boy, seek REAL Mistress
★◕ ◡ ◕★ ノ rawr ... Back peeking at SL again.
This girl needs a Master who's about 80% evil (20% cuddly predator)
more coming soon...
To give you a little overview of the quick dating sucess here are some samples of conversations i made with my slave alt sitting on the Hub with "the" one sentence in her profile:
Masterdude1: greetings kajira, you seek a new home?
me: Greetings
Masterdude1: are you experienced in gor?
me: yes, a bit. I have been roleplayed in Gor a while now...
Masterdude1: Great! So, you wanna be my first girl?
me: ???
Masterdude2: kneel at my feet
me: Greetings
Masterdude2: obey, girl
me (has great fun and wants to savor the situation): i have no collar
Masterdude2 (sends me bracelets animation): come now girl, close to my feet
me (ignores the animation while cannot stop laughing): is that roleplay?
Masterdude2: obey now, girl
me (dam this guy has patience): sorry, IM´s are OOC for me...
Masterdude2 (gets angry): you dont want, you`re a liar
me: . . .
RandomKennelMistressMegaVeiled: you seek a new home?
me: well...
RandomKennelMistressMegaVeiled: we are in need of city slaves
me: well...
RandomKennelMistressMegaVeiled: you`d have to notecard 3 chores a week and notecard 2 chores a week you do together with a Free, that is to send to me once a week
me: *coughs*
... to be continued ...
October 5, 2009
Extensions
I love hair under certain circumstances:
1. It´s on a head
2. It´s thick
3. It´s healthy
4. It´s mine
A few years ago i tried to have some extensions. Those real hair from India or whereever the hairdresser puts with a hot iron in your hair to stick the bondings to your hair. I had a long long blonde mane and i looked hot! No, super hot! People told me how awesome my hair was and it felt super most of the time.
Things i didnt like was 1. the bondings scratched on my scalp, 2. i needed to see the hairdresser very often for cutting the fallen out hair, 3. it is fucking expensive
But in summary i was very fond of it and i am aiming to have some again soon! I just need a cash cow in the basement...
What was the number of my hairdresser?
1. It´s on a head
2. It´s thick
3. It´s healthy
4. It´s mine
A few years ago i tried to have some extensions. Those real hair from India or whereever the hairdresser puts with a hot iron in your hair to stick the bondings to your hair. I had a long long blonde mane and i looked hot! No, super hot! People told me how awesome my hair was and it felt super most of the time.
Things i didnt like was 1. the bondings scratched on my scalp, 2. i needed to see the hairdresser very often for cutting the fallen out hair, 3. it is fucking expensive
But in summary i was very fond of it and i am aiming to have some again soon! I just need a cash cow in the basement...
What was the number of my hairdresser?
October 2, 2009
October 1, 2009
Elections
We just had elections in my country and it was a huge thing here. People were ranting about almost everything, the bad situation with our health system, the disastrous tax and pension system, and so on.
If you`d believed all those complains you would think the most part of our nation dont know what to eat tomorrow and poor kids go begging on the streets.
I cannot say i have to suffer anything in my country, i pay my tax which is -of what i know- quite normal in height compared to other countries around us. Yes, they have to improve many things in the next legislative period but all in all we are a rich country with clean roads and a profound health-system. In fact noone will die of hunger here, the basic social supply is guaranteed for everybody.
But all those complains drive me nuts. If you travel in other countries you regularly come back and say "wow how well we live ...", but people seem to forget pretty quickly.
We call it "Whining on a high level", and yes its so true.
Stop whining and start enjoying the life! Yes, that`s what i do!
If you`d believed all those complains you would think the most part of our nation dont know what to eat tomorrow and poor kids go begging on the streets.
I cannot say i have to suffer anything in my country, i pay my tax which is -of what i know- quite normal in height compared to other countries around us. Yes, they have to improve many things in the next legislative period but all in all we are a rich country with clean roads and a profound health-system. In fact noone will die of hunger here, the basic social supply is guaranteed for everybody.
But all those complains drive me nuts. If you travel in other countries you regularly come back and say "wow how well we live ...", but people seem to forget pretty quickly.
We call it "Whining on a high level", and yes its so true.
Stop whining and start enjoying the life! Yes, that`s what i do!
September 29, 2009
The Evolution of Jona
After 2,5 years in SL Gor i was thinking of my character`s evolution. So i started to search for snapshots i made during the periods of my gorean being and ...tataaaaa....here they are.
My bellymuscles still hurt from laughing but i treasure the old times.
This is my first try as a panther. I was member of a german panther tribe which was not better than an afternoon coffee party for bored housewives. We usually stood at the docks of former "Jasmine", teasing the slaves and displayed our nice sexy outfit with a smexy *Tal Male*...
Ugh....yeah then i transformed into an even more smexy hexy femlaw. Oh my god, i was so proud of my bow and my black leather outfit! I was part of a mercenary group with other hot black leather femlaws. We had bow training twice a week and i wasnt so bad. And of course i used forbidden bows best *grins*.
This is the first step into slavery. Am i not nice? So innocent and white silkish. I started my slave career in good old Teletus as white silk and i stayed white silk cause noone really cared about roleplay there. I had no clue about OOC vs. IC and i wasnt experienced in serving at all. Sadly enough this sim was more a lifestyler place and closed soon due to some OOC quarrels of their owners.
One Master, whose name i wont mention here, took me from Teletus to his place and while waiting for him to log on i made this "fantastic" picture. I was hot, admit it !!! ;-)
Still waiting for him in my f*** awesome hot silks!
My way lead me to the City of Lara, where i was owned by someone else. Guess who of the two hotties is me? Its the blonde one *winks*
Yeah, now we´re talking! My transformation to a bondmaid began here. At Axe Fjord under Huravia´s wings! No bondmaid kirtle yet, but i was close at that time. My third Master who owned me to this time let me experience with outfits i desired, but i always was blonde.
This hair and skin i used a looong time and its still the "typical jona". The picture was made in Skjern (english) where i have been quite a long time. Yeah and i was very fond of body jewellery as you can see *coughs*
Oh, and there were only 2 or 3 places where you could get bondmaid kirtles at that time. Being a bondmaid wasnt popular and noone knew a lot about it. Fortunately I had a very very good trainer who isnt in SL anymore *cries*
For a period of 2 weeks i have been a Free Woman in Ivar´s Landfall. A role that really really doenst fit me. I felt uncomfy and displaced. Its not my roleplay-nature at all.
There was this time when i couldnt see the typical jona-look anymore and pimped my avatar. I got also a new name "emma" but i never really identified with her.
And this is the jona i love to play most. The depressed, chubby, greedy for food-jona who doesnt like to be owned by her Jarl (she thinks he is too cruel), the jona with bad mouth smell and gastro-intestinal problems.
Who knows what comes next? ;-)
My bellymuscles still hurt from laughing but i treasure the old times.
This is my first try as a panther. I was member of a german panther tribe which was not better than an afternoon coffee party for bored housewives. We usually stood at the docks of former "Jasmine", teasing the slaves and displayed our nice sexy outfit with a smexy *Tal Male*...
Ugh....yeah then i transformed into an even more smexy hexy femlaw. Oh my god, i was so proud of my bow and my black leather outfit! I was part of a mercenary group with other hot black leather femlaws. We had bow training twice a week and i wasnt so bad. And of course i used forbidden bows best *grins*.
This is the first step into slavery. Am i not nice? So innocent and white silkish. I started my slave career in good old Teletus as white silk and i stayed white silk cause noone really cared about roleplay there. I had no clue about OOC vs. IC and i wasnt experienced in serving at all. Sadly enough this sim was more a lifestyler place and closed soon due to some OOC quarrels of their owners.
One Master, whose name i wont mention here, took me from Teletus to his place and while waiting for him to log on i made this "fantastic" picture. I was hot, admit it !!! ;-)
Still waiting for him in my f*** awesome hot silks!
My way lead me to the City of Lara, where i was owned by someone else. Guess who of the two hotties is me? Its the blonde one *winks*
Yeah, now we´re talking! My transformation to a bondmaid began here. At Axe Fjord under Huravia´s wings! No bondmaid kirtle yet, but i was close at that time. My third Master who owned me to this time let me experience with outfits i desired, but i always was blonde.
This hair and skin i used a looong time and its still the "typical jona". The picture was made in Skjern (english) where i have been quite a long time. Yeah and i was very fond of body jewellery as you can see *coughs*Oh, and there were only 2 or 3 places where you could get bondmaid kirtles at that time. Being a bondmaid wasnt popular and noone knew a lot about it. Fortunately I had a very very good trainer who isnt in SL anymore *cries*
For a period of 2 weeks i have been a Free Woman in Ivar´s Landfall. A role that really really doenst fit me. I felt uncomfy and displaced. Its not my roleplay-nature at all.
There was this time when i couldnt see the typical jona-look anymore and pimped my avatar. I got also a new name "emma" but i never really identified with her.
And this is the jona i love to play most. The depressed, chubby, greedy for food-jona who doesnt like to be owned by her Jarl (she thinks he is too cruel), the jona with bad mouth smell and gastro-intestinal problems.Who knows what comes next? ;-)
Emerald Viewer
Have you heard about this (new) fantastic Emerald Viewer for Second Life? I must admit i am enthusiastic about it. It has so many features i was missing in the common SL-viewer. Some new features are for example the radar-button in the task bar which displays all avatars in the sim with one click. It also shows the viewer people are using. Awesome!
Besides it has more options for builders, more shapes for prims, more detailed direction of objects and a few more cool details.
Another feature is that you can see people`s mouse-movements. Emerald shows a little cross with the name on top, so you can see where the person is currently focussing/camming on. First i was absolutely excited about that. Wow, i thought, how awesome was that? To see who zooms where is going to be interested. As i am curious by nature i was excited to try it out.
First of all i was surprised how many people are using Emerald in Gor already! I said in Gor, cause it seems to be a thing of gorean people...outside of SL Gor you barely see people using Emerald. After my first hype i was plainly perplex. I saw many people using the Emerald viewer, but NOONE...yes i said NOONE....cammed around looking into other avarar`s faces or clothing. Why, i asked myself? People spend hours and lots of dollars pimping their avatars and dont want to look at others?
I can only think of one explanation. Emerald users know about this feature they wanna be so super-duper-cool, like "Hey, i have Emerald and i know you can see my cam-movements, but i am so supercool, i dont NEED to look at you, no..i am not interested at all, all i want is roleplay, and the visual is super-uninteresting for me, ya know?"
Fuck! Why are you in SL then? Go to a HTML-Gor-Chatroom and be cool.
The thing is, that people WITHOUT Emerald are camming around and you can see them looking in people faces and such. Its like people dont wanna get caught or camming is something bad only uncool people do. Umm....
I will keep putting my mouse on avatars and i dont care of someone thinks i am spying or what. I like the visuality of SL, i love pimping avatars and i love to look at pimped avatars.
And YAY for Emerald !
Besides it has more options for builders, more shapes for prims, more detailed direction of objects and a few more cool details.
Another feature is that you can see people`s mouse-movements. Emerald shows a little cross with the name on top, so you can see where the person is currently focussing/camming on. First i was absolutely excited about that. Wow, i thought, how awesome was that? To see who zooms where is going to be interested. As i am curious by nature i was excited to try it out.
First of all i was surprised how many people are using Emerald in Gor already! I said in Gor, cause it seems to be a thing of gorean people...outside of SL Gor you barely see people using Emerald. After my first hype i was plainly perplex. I saw many people using the Emerald viewer, but NOONE...yes i said NOONE....cammed around looking into other avarar`s faces or clothing. Why, i asked myself? People spend hours and lots of dollars pimping their avatars and dont want to look at others?
I can only think of one explanation. Emerald users know about this feature they wanna be so super-duper-cool, like "Hey, i have Emerald and i know you can see my cam-movements, but i am so supercool, i dont NEED to look at you, no..i am not interested at all, all i want is roleplay, and the visual is super-uninteresting for me, ya know?"
Fuck! Why are you in SL then? Go to a HTML-Gor-Chatroom and be cool.
The thing is, that people WITHOUT Emerald are camming around and you can see them looking in people faces and such. Its like people dont wanna get caught or camming is something bad only uncool people do. Umm....
I will keep putting my mouse on avatars and i dont care of someone thinks i am spying or what. I like the visuality of SL, i love pimping avatars and i love to look at pimped avatars.
And YAY for Emerald !
September 28, 2009
Why do people blog?
Welcome to myself, I joined the club of bloggers. The club of people who have to let other people know about what happens at their work, in their home, with their kitty, what they do and think about others and so on.
If there werent so many people who like to read our virtual brainfarts, would we blog at all?
Well i hesitated a long time considering the pros and cons about blogging but finally i opened this blog. Why did i do that? Isnt it enough to share my thoughts with people who are close to me? And do i have to bother the world with my non-mothertongueish-english? Yes. I must admit its fun to write and it calms me down. Sometimes i can sort my thoughts better whilst writing.
Even if noone reads my germish typed mindset I dont care. Writing is fun to me and i can relax. Yay! I love the world wide web with its endless opportunities!
If there werent so many people who like to read our virtual brainfarts, would we blog at all?
Well i hesitated a long time considering the pros and cons about blogging but finally i opened this blog. Why did i do that? Isnt it enough to share my thoughts with people who are close to me? And do i have to bother the world with my non-mothertongueish-english? Yes. I must admit its fun to write and it calms me down. Sometimes i can sort my thoughts better whilst writing.
Even if noone reads my germish typed mindset I dont care. Writing is fun to me and i can relax. Yay! I love the world wide web with its endless opportunities!
September 27, 2009
About bonds, winners, losers and such
I can say from myself that i am a bondmaid. I was no bond when i started SL, nooo nooo. And now I will spare you the whole story of how i came to Torvaldsland and how princessy and awful my way in SL Gor started (believe me, you dont wanna know!) and what kind of newbie mistakes i did, yadayadayada. You probably know from your own experience.
Until i met my latest Jarl in SL i tried always to serve perfect and i had that imagination that the Free would read my serves WORD-BY-WORD. Dam how naive i have been! But i had fun teaching -or better mentoring- other girls who have been new to Torvaldsland and its different ways of be there. I reached a status of a First Girl of a Torvie village and at that period i was proud of it. So i had all kinds of duties but one thing i had not: friends. Some very few from my time before, but as a FG you simply have no friends. Girls are oh-sooo-nice to you but once you turn your back to them they start this.. "oh look, her serves arent that good..yadayada...no idea why she is first girl...whisper...bitch..whisper".
In my further being as a bond we stayed in a village without any ranking girls and ohhh, what a relief! I `ve never had so much fun then there. There was no jealousy about a rank or title, rather about who had the most Jarls in the furs *coughs* and i saw myself slowly relaxing from being perfect all the time.
I started to give my character flaws and little tics. I had so much fun roleplaying the greedy pig who lurks for food everywhere, who farted after she ate something rotten and who was depressed cause no Jarl would touch her cause of her bad mouth smell. Of course she was in a bad position compared to other bonds who roleplayed being nice, well smelling and always in a good condition concerning their gastrointestinal system.
And the more i roleplayed having flaws the more i watched others roleplaying being perfect. When i happily lost in a banter at a Jarl or whatver, other girls were roleplaying as if they lifes depended on winning that quarrel.
Not all girls of course, i just think the more experiences you have the more you dare to risk for your character, the more you can see your character losing or suffering (i dont mean the suffer from a whip). And: the more you enjoy not being perfect all the time!
I mean hey, every avatar in SL is just perfect! No pimples, no dry skin, no fat tummy spicked with dark hairs, full hair, of course no bald head...yeah we dont want all in SL, its enough to fight those things in RL, you say. But being able to let your character lose or being topped by someone isnt usually something you`d like to do every day.
So if you wanna say so, yes my character is a loser. Through and through.
To write about dudes who arent able to lose in battles is another topic and i dont wanna write about that now. I`d like to have a low blood pressure.
Until i met my latest Jarl in SL i tried always to serve perfect and i had that imagination that the Free would read my serves WORD-BY-WORD. Dam how naive i have been! But i had fun teaching -or better mentoring- other girls who have been new to Torvaldsland and its different ways of be there. I reached a status of a First Girl of a Torvie village and at that period i was proud of it. So i had all kinds of duties but one thing i had not: friends. Some very few from my time before, but as a FG you simply have no friends. Girls are oh-sooo-nice to you but once you turn your back to them they start this.. "oh look, her serves arent that good..yadayada...no idea why she is first girl...whisper...bitch..whisper".
In my further being as a bond we stayed in a village without any ranking girls and ohhh, what a relief! I `ve never had so much fun then there. There was no jealousy about a rank or title, rather about who had the most Jarls in the furs *coughs* and i saw myself slowly relaxing from being perfect all the time.
I started to give my character flaws and little tics. I had so much fun roleplaying the greedy pig who lurks for food everywhere, who farted after she ate something rotten and who was depressed cause no Jarl would touch her cause of her bad mouth smell. Of course she was in a bad position compared to other bonds who roleplayed being nice, well smelling and always in a good condition concerning their gastrointestinal system.
And the more i roleplayed having flaws the more i watched others roleplaying being perfect. When i happily lost in a banter at a Jarl or whatver, other girls were roleplaying as if they lifes depended on winning that quarrel.
Not all girls of course, i just think the more experiences you have the more you dare to risk for your character, the more you can see your character losing or suffering (i dont mean the suffer from a whip). And: the more you enjoy not being perfect all the time!
I mean hey, every avatar in SL is just perfect! No pimples, no dry skin, no fat tummy spicked with dark hairs, full hair, of course no bald head...yeah we dont want all in SL, its enough to fight those things in RL, you say. But being able to let your character lose or being topped by someone isnt usually something you`d like to do every day.
So if you wanna say so, yes my character is a loser. Through and through.
To write about dudes who arent able to lose in battles is another topic and i dont wanna write about that now. I`d like to have a low blood pressure.
Ants in the pants
I love cleaning. Not so much the action itself but to see that a thing or furniture/floor got actually clean afterwards gives me highest satisfaction. The matter is that dirt makes me restless. Once i have focussed on a dirty spot i wont rest until it is removed, even when i just made myself cozy on the sofa and logged into SL, maybe planning to build something new or go and have a nice roleplay adventure.
No! This frigging dirt spot catches my eye again and again, its like hypnotizing me: "look at me, look at me, i am HERE...and i am DIRTY..." it says again and again until i finally stand up, take a cloth and remove it. Its getting worse when i maybe thought a few hours before to tidy out my closet. Even when i know i have time to do it and it hasnt to be done the next day or week, i cannot relax. Once i have an idea of cleaning or sorting anything i really have ants in the pants!
Last week i told my boyfriend after i have cleaned my whole appartement " Dam, its so clean and nice here, its better than having an orgasm!" He laughed about it but i have this vague idea that it scratched his manhood in some way.
Also in SL i watch myself doing similiar things. Well its not dirty in SL until you put a dirt texture in something but we have this little building skybox. And guess what? I hate hate hate when things stand around, forgotten, maybe started to build on and never finished. I cannot concentrate when things around me arent in an order. I know my boyfriend would say now: "Ordnung muss sein" (There must be order!)! Oh and i love love love the delete button. It gives me this huge satisfaction as if i had cleaned my appartement with tons of good smlling cleaning foam...RRRrrrrrrrrr!!!
I would not wonder if my boyfriend gave me a cleaning rag and some kinky duster coat next time we are getting intimate. . .
No! This frigging dirt spot catches my eye again and again, its like hypnotizing me: "look at me, look at me, i am HERE...and i am DIRTY..." it says again and again until i finally stand up, take a cloth and remove it. Its getting worse when i maybe thought a few hours before to tidy out my closet. Even when i know i have time to do it and it hasnt to be done the next day or week, i cannot relax. Once i have an idea of cleaning or sorting anything i really have ants in the pants!
Last week i told my boyfriend after i have cleaned my whole appartement " Dam, its so clean and nice here, its better than having an orgasm!" He laughed about it but i have this vague idea that it scratched his manhood in some way.
Also in SL i watch myself doing similiar things. Well its not dirty in SL until you put a dirt texture in something but we have this little building skybox. And guess what? I hate hate hate when things stand around, forgotten, maybe started to build on and never finished. I cannot concentrate when things around me arent in an order. I know my boyfriend would say now: "Ordnung muss sein" (There must be order!)! Oh and i love love love the delete button. It gives me this huge satisfaction as if i had cleaned my appartement with tons of good smlling cleaning foam...RRRrrrrrrrrr!!!
I would not wonder if my boyfriend gave me a cleaning rag and some kinky duster coat next time we are getting intimate. . .
September 26, 2009
Culture Shock
When you live in your own little world, your country, you take things for granted. Your envirnoment is well aquainted and people around you speak the same language and regard the same social norms.
Its not that i havent been in another country, no i traveled a lot in my life. Asia, Afrika, USA and parts of southern Europe have been blessed with my presence. When you are in holiday you kinda expect things are different, yes you hope it though as you want to escape your little world for a limited time. So, nothing to be scared about.
Usually nothing can shock me, or almost nothing. But hey, yes i am shocked. I start to doubt about the trueness of the society i am living in. I was so convinced that this is the way we should live here (in my country) but everything changed since i had an insight into my neighbourcountry.
I expected almost everything like i was used to it, after all these two countries have a common history and such. But what do i know? Now that i have been visited my boyfriend a few times and after some morehundred hours of talks, i am having a culture shock. I would have never believed things can be so different and so much easier in some ways than i was used to be.
The stiff and rigid way things have become here are something our neighbours laugh about. Havent we developed so quick as they have or are we just a generation of nitpickers?
I am thankful to be able to make these experiences, but also cause i found out that many things here are just more awesome! Yeah!
Its not that i havent been in another country, no i traveled a lot in my life. Asia, Afrika, USA and parts of southern Europe have been blessed with my presence. When you are in holiday you kinda expect things are different, yes you hope it though as you want to escape your little world for a limited time. So, nothing to be scared about.
Usually nothing can shock me, or almost nothing. But hey, yes i am shocked. I start to doubt about the trueness of the society i am living in. I was so convinced that this is the way we should live here (in my country) but everything changed since i had an insight into my neighbourcountry.
I expected almost everything like i was used to it, after all these two countries have a common history and such. But what do i know? Now that i have been visited my boyfriend a few times and after some morehundred hours of talks, i am having a culture shock. I would have never believed things can be so different and so much easier in some ways than i was used to be.
The stiff and rigid way things have become here are something our neighbours laugh about. Havent we developed so quick as they have or are we just a generation of nitpickers?
I am thankful to be able to make these experiences, but also cause i found out that many things here are just more awesome! Yeah!
Diplomacy
Diplomacy isnt my strong point. I am rather direct and blunt, speak out my mind in a way my partner of conversation knows excactly how the wind blows. Close friends and parts of my family are aware about that but i really have a hard time to get into my diplomacy-mode all of a sudden.
But when i am at work i catch myself switching to "diplomacy" as soon as i open my office and breath the mouldy scent of aged documents. It is like the fragance turns off my "oh-i-need-to-tell-you-what-an-asshole-you-are"-mood and turns me into a tamed little kitten. Now dont think being non-diplomatic means to be unfriendly but hey, there are people out there i dont like. Arent they supposed to know about that? No, you say. Yes i know.
So, whenever the very undiplomatic feeling ovverrules my body I start to inhale very deeply and think of mustry papers and documents and put a smile on my face.
I think i can be diplomatic and also speak out my mind. Its very important for me to let my counterpart know, at least i am authentic and just me. Superficial relationships are not for me anyway.
But when i am at work i catch myself switching to "diplomacy" as soon as i open my office and breath the mouldy scent of aged documents. It is like the fragance turns off my "oh-i-need-to-tell-you-what-an-asshole-you-are"-mood and turns me into a tamed little kitten. Now dont think being non-diplomatic means to be unfriendly but hey, there are people out there i dont like. Arent they supposed to know about that? No, you say. Yes i know.
So, whenever the very undiplomatic feeling ovverrules my body I start to inhale very deeply and think of mustry papers and documents and put a smile on my face.
I think i can be diplomatic and also speak out my mind. Its very important for me to let my counterpart know, at least i am authentic and just me. Superficial relationships are not for me anyway.
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