November 26, 2009
November 25, 2009
Panic
Today I have been in a situation where I saw the worst coming like a film in front of my eyes within split second. I was actor in a movie with no happy end. But as strange the situation was, as strange I acted. I was between panic and total calmness, my actions were right and calm but inside myself I screamed of fear to loose something very important.
Fortunately I was bright enough to call help and thank the genius who came up with cell phones, the situation was safe after a short while.
But during these seconds I felt filled up with panic and helplessness are still flickering in my thoughts, feelings I cannot suppress easily. I was quite lucky under the circumstances and I cannot believe it really. When you expect the worst its hard to believe you had so much luck in the end.
I am still bewildered. But relieved.
Fortunately I was bright enough to call help and thank the genius who came up with cell phones, the situation was safe after a short while.
But during these seconds I felt filled up with panic and helplessness are still flickering in my thoughts, feelings I cannot suppress easily. I was quite lucky under the circumstances and I cannot believe it really. When you expect the worst its hard to believe you had so much luck in the end.
I am still bewildered. But relieved.
November 21, 2009
November 20, 2009
I am
I am
The sun to brighten your day
The moon to shine for you in the dark
The laughter to alleviate your despair
The crutch to shed your worries
I am
The rosepetal at your feet
The exultation of your spirit
The reflection of you inner desires
The light that shines for you when all other lights are gone
I am
The fragrance to spice up your life
The ejector of your weirdest dreams
The leading part in your naughtiest fantasy
The dust bin of your emotional viciousness
I am for you
The sun to brighten your day
The moon to shine for you in the dark
The laughter to alleviate your despair
The crutch to shed your worries
I am
The rosepetal at your feet
The exultation of your spirit
The reflection of you inner desires
The light that shines for you when all other lights are gone
I am
The fragrance to spice up your life
The ejector of your weirdest dreams
The leading part in your naughtiest fantasy
The dust bin of your emotional viciousness
I am for you
Quote
“A true friend knows your weaknesses but shows you your strengths; feels your fears but fortifies your faith; sees your anxieties but frees your spirit; recognizes your disabilities but emphasizes your possibilities.”
William Arthur Ward
November 17, 2009
What if ...
... I wouldn't have been born in Europe but in some poor Third-World country?
... the German Wall wouldn't have been dropped and USSR hadn't been split into seperate states?
... I would have been born as a boy? I know I would have been called 'Sascha' and it doesn't make me really happy "coughs". Maybe I had a ton of kids now or be a lonely man travelling around the world with only a rucksack...
... Gor would really exist? I am sure I would get myself in some trouble and end up in chains somewhere on a slavemarket. Or maybe I am smart and be a Scribe in some decent southern city..?
... the Iraq war had never happened?
... I had chosen another profession, something I really love? I wished I would have known that when I was young.
... there would be peace on earth? No crime, no violence, no humilitation, no suffer... What to do with all the remaining testosterone?
... the medicine wouldn't have made any advances since medieval times? The natural selection would probably have taken advantage, maybe our planet would be much healthier than it is now?
... we didn't have internet, mobile phone, blackberry and all that? I would probably do a puzzle right now or write my diary with a pen :-)
There are so many "What if's" I use to think about, too many to write them all down. What if I wouldn't think about "What if's"?
... the German Wall wouldn't have been dropped and USSR hadn't been split into seperate states?
... I would have been born as a boy? I know I would have been called 'Sascha' and it doesn't make me really happy "coughs". Maybe I had a ton of kids now or be a lonely man travelling around the world with only a rucksack...
... Gor would really exist? I am sure I would get myself in some trouble and end up in chains somewhere on a slavemarket. Or maybe I am smart and be a Scribe in some decent southern city..?
... the Iraq war had never happened?
... I had chosen another profession, something I really love? I wished I would have known that when I was young.
... there would be peace on earth? No crime, no violence, no humilitation, no suffer... What to do with all the remaining testosterone?
... the medicine wouldn't have made any advances since medieval times? The natural selection would probably have taken advantage, maybe our planet would be much healthier than it is now?
... we didn't have internet, mobile phone, blackberry and all that? I would probably do a puzzle right now or write my diary with a pen :-)
There are so many "What if's" I use to think about, too many to write them all down. What if I wouldn't think about "What if's"?
November 16, 2009
Things I want to do
There are some things I really want to do, I always promised myself I would one day. Some are lifetime goals, some are goals I have for the near future.
1. Do a skydiving
2. Visit New York City
3. Become more self-conscious
4. Loose 10 kg weight
5. See the Northern Lights
6. Stay healthy without needing machines
7. See a-ha in Oslo at their last concert
8. Get a leading role in a stage play
9. Finally finishing learning to play the gituar
10. Learn the piano
11. Know and dance all Line Dance dances
12. Go on a road trip through the United States
13. Keep my friends for my lifetime
14. Find a new job in a company I really like
15. Do something nice to someone who will never find out
16. Remove my pubic hair with laser therapy (!)
17. Fulfil at least one of my sexual fantasies
18. Fight more against animal abuse
19. Refresh my italian language knowledge
20. Learn more about my own country
21. Sleep under the stars
22. Get some extensions again
23. Go skiing to Austria very soon
24. Go out to the clubs with my friend again
25. Make other people smile
..to be continued...
1. Do a skydiving
2. Visit New York City
3. Become more self-conscious
4. Loose 10 kg weight
5. See the Northern Lights
6. Stay healthy without needing machines
7. See a-ha in Oslo at their last concert
8. Get a leading role in a stage play
9. Finally finishing learning to play the gituar
10. Learn the piano
11. Know and dance all Line Dance dances
12. Go on a road trip through the United States
13. Keep my friends for my lifetime
14. Find a new job in a company I really like
15. Do something nice to someone who will never find out
16. Remove my pubic hair with laser therapy (!)
17. Fulfil at least one of my sexual fantasies
18. Fight more against animal abuse
19. Refresh my italian language knowledge
20. Learn more about my own country
21. Sleep under the stars
22. Get some extensions again
23. Go skiing to Austria very soon
24. Go out to the clubs with my friend again
25. Make other people smile
..to be continued...
November 13, 2009
Wax in the City
I remember the first time I have been to a waxing studio. It was summer and I wanted to get rid of some hair. Well, apparently so. When I looked up their website I decided to get a "Brazilian Landing Stripe". Huh, I was impressed and apparently it was something very "hip" so I had to have it.
Now you might wonder what I am talking about and I can understand if you do. Here is some education of what a brazilian waxing is:
To put it simply, a brazilian waxing is the removal of all pubic hair except a little "decoration" or just coatless :)
So far so good. Finally I made my way into that studio with a smile on my face. I got a warm welcome and someone guided me into a small room with a nice comment to strip "downbelow". I stood there, nothing on my body except a white shirt and pink socks and waited.
The curtain lifted and the "executor" moved in. "Hello I am Sandra. Please lay down and spread your legs", she said to me in a friendly and professional tone. Except the Sandra-part I have heard that sentence a few times before already, maybe a tad hoarser but you can´t have everything.
I laid down, spread my legs and felt quite uneasy with displaying my little Mony to her. I calmed myself by thinking she might had seen something like that before and tried to relax. She stood right next to me and turned on a super duper light lamp to inspect my pubic area!
I dont think I remember someone looking with a flashlight at my pussy before so I felt just a bit uncomfortable.
"So....", she said. And put her head a bit more down inspecting my labias and butt now. I breathed deeply. I always get this red little dots on my face when I am insecure or very nervous, and that was such a situation. So...? What did that mean? Why did she say that?
"You wish a brazilian landing stripe?" she asked me and I could swear her tone was kind of disconcerting. Only able to nod I watched her preparing the torture equipment. At that moment I was about to jump off the bed and run. And maybe I should have done it because the rest of the session wasn`t very amusing.
I have waxed myself before so I thought I am aware of the pain it causes. But I had never waxed my pubic area before. My screams echoed through the whole shop and I almost fainted as she waxed my labias the third time. "There is still hair left", she said and I could swear to hear some kind of sadistic pleasure in her voice.
The real kicker was the final waxing of my battycrease. I didn`t know I have hair at that spot and I didn`t realize it would hurt so much! She looked at me slightly worried "Are you ok? Next time it won`t hurt so much anymore", and her steady smile made me wanting to put my fist right in her face. As if there would be a next time ever! I grunted and felt tears of pain running down my cheeks.
Sore and shocked I crawled down the bed, I felt like being tortured for hours. Releived to be still alive I put my pants back on and didn`t dare to look on my red swollen and painfully pulsating pussylips.
I was busy to leave the wax studio and noticed the receptionist smirked when I passed. I never went back there again.
But since I am having bad side effects from shaving which I don`t wanna mention here (!) I am considering doing it again. But I am really really afraid of it.
For all men: Yes, you can get a nice waxing too. Please choose your style :-)
Mmmmhmm, i like "The Pilot".
Now you might wonder what I am talking about and I can understand if you do. Here is some education of what a brazilian waxing is:
To put it simply, a brazilian waxing is the removal of all pubic hair except a little "decoration" or just coatless :)
So far so good. Finally I made my way into that studio with a smile on my face. I got a warm welcome and someone guided me into a small room with a nice comment to strip "downbelow". I stood there, nothing on my body except a white shirt and pink socks and waited.
The curtain lifted and the "executor" moved in. "Hello I am Sandra. Please lay down and spread your legs", she said to me in a friendly and professional tone. Except the Sandra-part I have heard that sentence a few times before already, maybe a tad hoarser but you can´t have everything.
I laid down, spread my legs and felt quite uneasy with displaying my little Mony to her. I calmed myself by thinking she might had seen something like that before and tried to relax. She stood right next to me and turned on a super duper light lamp to inspect my pubic area!
I dont think I remember someone looking with a flashlight at my pussy before so I felt just a bit uncomfortable.
"So....", she said. And put her head a bit more down inspecting my labias and butt now. I breathed deeply. I always get this red little dots on my face when I am insecure or very nervous, and that was such a situation. So...? What did that mean? Why did she say that?
"You wish a brazilian landing stripe?" she asked me and I could swear her tone was kind of disconcerting. Only able to nod I watched her preparing the torture equipment. At that moment I was about to jump off the bed and run. And maybe I should have done it because the rest of the session wasn`t very amusing.
I have waxed myself before so I thought I am aware of the pain it causes. But I had never waxed my pubic area before. My screams echoed through the whole shop and I almost fainted as she waxed my labias the third time. "There is still hair left", she said and I could swear to hear some kind of sadistic pleasure in her voice.
The real kicker was the final waxing of my battycrease. I didn`t know I have hair at that spot and I didn`t realize it would hurt so much! She looked at me slightly worried "Are you ok? Next time it won`t hurt so much anymore", and her steady smile made me wanting to put my fist right in her face. As if there would be a next time ever! I grunted and felt tears of pain running down my cheeks.
Sore and shocked I crawled down the bed, I felt like being tortured for hours. Releived to be still alive I put my pants back on and didn`t dare to look on my red swollen and painfully pulsating pussylips.
I was busy to leave the wax studio and noticed the receptionist smirked when I passed. I never went back there again.
But since I am having bad side effects from shaving which I don`t wanna mention here (!) I am considering doing it again. But I am really really afraid of it.
For all men: Yes, you can get a nice waxing too. Please choose your style :-)
Mmmmhmm, i like "The Pilot".
Funny
Two days ago I was shopping with my best friend and we found that "tester". Guess how we looked like after we have tried it out? "grunt"
November 12, 2009
It´s not all about me
I messed up a complete roleplay scenario. I deserve a hundred million Linden Dollars because noone could have done better than me. I deserve an award, a medal and much more.
The hardest part for me is that I know people are pissed and will probably avoid me. And I know they have reason for it. I managed to take over the complete roleplay scenario (capture scene) and dominate the whole thing. The worst part is, I didnt notice it after all. In the end a participant tp`ed out angrily and I still had no clue why.
Finally someone told me very gentle about my mistake and I really had a hard time to swallow my pride. I get this weird feeling in my belly up to my throat, my cheeks redden and all in me want to defend and say that everyone else messed but me. Pride is a bad attitude and I very dislike it on myself. Also my stubbornness is a pure pain in the ass. But I cannot help myself. Within time I got more calm but I am still very hot tempered in such situations.
To admit my fault and actually LEARN out of it is not easy for me in the first step. After the roleplay I had a talk with a certain person and during the talk I went through an emotional roller coaster. Anger, frustration, desperation, self-doubts and sorrow.
It really affected me RL and I still feel this lump in my throat. But when I look into myself I can realize my mistake and I will change it. Dominating a roleplay scenario as a slave is not a charm at all, especially when more Free than slaves are involved.
I will not try to justify, cause I really really messed all up. And I feel bad about it. I will try and take myself back a bit, I think I just see myself to much centered in all that roleplay thing.
Someone special to me said once: "It´s not all about you."
And she was right. Thanks Kat!
The hardest part for me is that I know people are pissed and will probably avoid me. And I know they have reason for it. I managed to take over the complete roleplay scenario (capture scene) and dominate the whole thing. The worst part is, I didnt notice it after all. In the end a participant tp`ed out angrily and I still had no clue why.
Finally someone told me very gentle about my mistake and I really had a hard time to swallow my pride. I get this weird feeling in my belly up to my throat, my cheeks redden and all in me want to defend and say that everyone else messed but me. Pride is a bad attitude and I very dislike it on myself. Also my stubbornness is a pure pain in the ass. But I cannot help myself. Within time I got more calm but I am still very hot tempered in such situations.
To admit my fault and actually LEARN out of it is not easy for me in the first step. After the roleplay I had a talk with a certain person and during the talk I went through an emotional roller coaster. Anger, frustration, desperation, self-doubts and sorrow.
It really affected me RL and I still feel this lump in my throat. But when I look into myself I can realize my mistake and I will change it. Dominating a roleplay scenario as a slave is not a charm at all, especially when more Free than slaves are involved.
I will not try to justify, cause I really really messed all up. And I feel bad about it. I will try and take myself back a bit, I think I just see myself to much centered in all that roleplay thing.
Someone special to me said once: "It´s not all about you."
And she was right. Thanks Kat!
November 10, 2009
Die Berliner Mauer / The Berlin Wall
The Fall of the Berlin wall is 20 years and 1 day ago. I remember I sat in front of the TV and couldn`t really believe it. Without all the people demonstrating against the socialistic regime, the border wouldn`t have been opened yet. It is amazing how many people were demonstrating and when I see pictures of the November 9th 1989 I always feel very attached.
I am glad we are united, though we have to work on the intregration of our minds still, but Germany is now what it should be.
When I was a kid of 6 years old I ask my best friend, who lived next door, why her grandma would never visit her. She told me, her grandma wasn`t allowed to travel out of the DDR and they dont have pantyhoses so they would always send them boxes with lots of gifts like coffee and all that.
I couldn`t really believe it. I was raised in the "West" and we didn`t had any relations in East Germany. She then told me about how her grandma lived in the DDR and that they sometimes visit them. This picture comes into my head all the time I think of Germany was parted into two halfs... two little girls sitting on a garbage bin and talking about East and West Germany.
I am glad we are united, though we have to work on the intregration of our minds still, but Germany is now what it should be.
When I was a kid of 6 years old I ask my best friend, who lived next door, why her grandma would never visit her. She told me, her grandma wasn`t allowed to travel out of the DDR and they dont have pantyhoses so they would always send them boxes with lots of gifts like coffee and all that.
I couldn`t really believe it. I was raised in the "West" and we didn`t had any relations in East Germany. She then told me about how her grandma lived in the DDR and that they sometimes visit them. This picture comes into my head all the time I think of Germany was parted into two halfs... two little girls sitting on a garbage bin and talking about East and West Germany.
November 9, 2009
Politician
May I introduce Germanys new Foreign Minister/Secretary of State Mr. Guido Westerwelle?
"shake head and sigh"
"shake head and sigh"
Not everything is black or white
Artwork "Not everything is black or white" by Gina Parr
By watching this artwork I try to count the amount of greyshades and I know there are a lot more than I think. I often catch myself thinking "Its either like this OR like that". It is not most of the time. Life has so many surprises we can not imagine, and once you turn left instead of right you get offered a new perspective.
Sometimes you have to walk through black to see white again, and sometimes it is all grey for a vast amount of time. Sometimes it is hard to devide grey from either white or black and you feel lost, struggling in a sea of emotions.
There are many ways to go, I try to get the right turnoff, I get lost at a junction without any signs. My brain is confused and I need a while to sort my thoughts in the right direction. I will never know if I have taken the perfect turnoff, cause I dont know what the other options had been.
Life is a one-way street but sometimes you find a similiar turnoff and then you know what to do!
By watching this artwork I try to count the amount of greyshades and I know there are a lot more than I think. I often catch myself thinking "Its either like this OR like that". It is not most of the time. Life has so many surprises we can not imagine, and once you turn left instead of right you get offered a new perspective.
Sometimes you have to walk through black to see white again, and sometimes it is all grey for a vast amount of time. Sometimes it is hard to devide grey from either white or black and you feel lost, struggling in a sea of emotions.
There are many ways to go, I try to get the right turnoff, I get lost at a junction without any signs. My brain is confused and I need a while to sort my thoughts in the right direction. I will never know if I have taken the perfect turnoff, cause I dont know what the other options had been.
Life is a one-way street but sometimes you find a similiar turnoff and then you know what to do!
He
He is World Heavyweight Petting Champion
He is Opening-Artist of Women-Lingerie Closures
He is First Advisor of the Global-Satisfaction Industry
He is Technical Support of Pussy Affairs
He won the award in the multiple-orgasm category
His tongue-imprint garnishes the walk of fame
His penis is the pioneer of sexual mastery
His butt is the aristocracy of human convexity
He can dance, He likes trance, women melt by his His glance
He is bright, He can fight, He makes a girl wet on sight
He doesn`t care, He isn`t fair but He tames every mare
He goes with the flow, He loves the blow and never takes it slow
He makes you cry, tomorrow you fly by spreading your thigh
He is gone in the dawn, He is busy to spawn and take your love in pawn
He is nice, He cums twice, He thrives in the game of dice
He is grown, He owns your moan and gloats on His throne
He is Opening-Artist of Women-Lingerie Closures
He is First Advisor of the Global-Satisfaction Industry
He is Technical Support of Pussy Affairs
He won the award in the multiple-orgasm category
His tongue-imprint garnishes the walk of fame
His penis is the pioneer of sexual mastery
His butt is the aristocracy of human convexity
He can dance, He likes trance, women melt by his His glance
He is bright, He can fight, He makes a girl wet on sight
He doesn`t care, He isn`t fair but He tames every mare
He goes with the flow, He loves the blow and never takes it slow
He makes you cry, tomorrow you fly by spreading your thigh
He is gone in the dawn, He is busy to spawn and take your love in pawn
He is nice, He cums twice, He thrives in the game of dice
He is grown, He owns your moan and gloats on His throne
November 7, 2009
Silent Tears
A poem that touches me.
Silent Tears
A thunderous silence
breaks through my thoughts.
What was once many great ideas
is now a triumph, lost.
Baffling words tumble through my mind.
Reflections of darkness hover.
A disturbing peacefulness beckons to me,
and inside myself, I take cover.
What would it be like to stay there forever?
To be lost in all my cares?
From the inside, looking out -
I cry silent tears.
by Heather Loughton
Silent Tears
A thunderous silence
breaks through my thoughts.
What was once many great ideas
is now a triumph, lost.
Baffling words tumble through my mind.
Reflections of darkness hover.
A disturbing peacefulness beckons to me,
and inside myself, I take cover.
What would it be like to stay there forever?
To be lost in all my cares?
From the inside, looking out -
I cry silent tears.
by Heather Loughton
November 6, 2009
A ride
The morning fog has just disappeared and I listen to a bird complaining about our presence, the breath of my horse spreads out of its nostrils and clouds for a short moment. I smell the moist leaves laying on the ground already, but there are still some left on the trees and I admire the landscape with its extensive fall colors.
Slowly we move forward, I feel how my horse relaxes beneath me, my thighs ease lightly and I loose the reins. "Fly..", I whisper her name and watch my little chestnut mare turns one ear back to me. I smile, I always enjoy being together with her.
A light rain soaks my riding pants, but Fly is eagerly moving forward on the slick mud watching the environment observantly, I admire how sure-footed this horse is. The slick sound goes in a steady rhythm and I inhale the moist November air deeply. Alternately Flys ears turn to all directions and her muscles flexes as she notices something rustle in the underwoods. I force her to move faster, to face the demon and shake my head amused. After 15 years together with me "on the road" she should know there is nothing to fear.
We reach a long sandy path and I press my thighs tighter around her flanks, she is almost nodding and breaks into an extended gallop. The rain whips my face and reddens my cheekflesh, I rise lightly in the saddle to comfort my horses back and close my eyes for a moment. Adrenaline pumps into my veins and I listen to the excited snorts of my horse. This is the moment where human and horse are closest together, a complete matching pair in absolute harmony.
Rain mixes with tears on my face and I edge Fly on, the strong horse body lowers closer to the ground and its legs reach out more extensive. I cry. I cry loudly. I scream and shout into the wind and rain as we gallop faster and faster through the forest. I regret, I believe, I love, I feel angry, I treasure, I just feel. Feel all the emotions I use to stifle or hide.
When we are back at the horse stable we both feel exhausted but enriched. The tight bond between us will never disappear, no matter what happens. Touching her warm fur I cry again.
Slowly we move forward, I feel how my horse relaxes beneath me, my thighs ease lightly and I loose the reins. "Fly..", I whisper her name and watch my little chestnut mare turns one ear back to me. I smile, I always enjoy being together with her.
A light rain soaks my riding pants, but Fly is eagerly moving forward on the slick mud watching the environment observantly, I admire how sure-footed this horse is. The slick sound goes in a steady rhythm and I inhale the moist November air deeply. Alternately Flys ears turn to all directions and her muscles flexes as she notices something rustle in the underwoods. I force her to move faster, to face the demon and shake my head amused. After 15 years together with me "on the road" she should know there is nothing to fear.
We reach a long sandy path and I press my thighs tighter around her flanks, she is almost nodding and breaks into an extended gallop. The rain whips my face and reddens my cheekflesh, I rise lightly in the saddle to comfort my horses back and close my eyes for a moment. Adrenaline pumps into my veins and I listen to the excited snorts of my horse. This is the moment where human and horse are closest together, a complete matching pair in absolute harmony.
Rain mixes with tears on my face and I edge Fly on, the strong horse body lowers closer to the ground and its legs reach out more extensive. I cry. I cry loudly. I scream and shout into the wind and rain as we gallop faster and faster through the forest. I regret, I believe, I love, I feel angry, I treasure, I just feel. Feel all the emotions I use to stifle or hide.
When we are back at the horse stable we both feel exhausted but enriched. The tight bond between us will never disappear, no matter what happens. Touching her warm fur I cry again.
November 4, 2009
ALTing
I have alts. Many of them aren`t of use except for modelling for the shop. But i love alts. They are great. I feel like a 12 years old girl again playing with Barbie dolls. I can dress them, style their hair and give them any attitude I like.
Only alts are much cooler. I can change hair color with one click, make her fat or skinny, tall or small. I love it!
A yay for having alts!
Only alts are much cooler. I can change hair color with one click, make her fat or skinny, tall or small. I love it!
A yay for having alts!
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