It´s not all about me

I messed up a complete roleplay scenario. I deserve a hundred million Linden Dollars because noone could have done better than me. I deserve an award, a medal and much more.

The hardest part for me is that I know people are pissed and will probably avoid me. And I know they have reason for it. I managed to take over the complete roleplay scenario (capture scene) and dominate the whole thing. The worst part is, I didnt notice it after all. In the end a participant tp`ed out angrily and I still had no clue why.

Finally someone told me very gentle about my mistake and I really had a hard time to swallow my pride. I get this weird feeling in my belly up to my throat, my cheeks redden and all in me want to defend and say that everyone else messed but me. Pride is a bad attitude and I very dislike it on myself. Also my stubbornness is a pure pain in the ass. But I cannot help myself. Within time I got more calm but I am still very hot tempered in such situations.

To admit my fault and actually LEARN out of it is not easy for me in the first step. After the roleplay I had a talk with a certain person and during the talk I went through an emotional roller coaster. Anger, frustration, desperation, self-doubts and sorrow.

It really affected me RL and I still feel this lump in my throat. But when I look into myself I can realize my mistake and I will change it. Dominating a roleplay scenario as a slave is not a charm at all, especially when more Free than slaves are involved.

I will not try to justify, cause I really really messed all up. And I feel bad about it. I will try and take myself back a bit, I think I just see myself to much centered in all that roleplay thing.

Someone special to me said once: "It´s not all about you."
And she was right. Thanks Kat!