Torvalds Forge goes Blog

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WOOT!

Arrogancies of SL

I am a content creator in SL and I like my customers to send me notecards instead of IM's. I still receive them and since I am nice I respond them too, even though my profile says "My IM's get capped". In fact, my IM's don't get capped, I am probably not that important to receive dozens of IM's from people...or my customers are simply satisfied. I never removed that sentence in my profile and I am not going too but I don't know why. Maybe it just sounds important. I think people are used to it and most send notecards anyway which I highly appreciate.

Lately I found an instruction in someone's profile how to send a notecard to him like that:

If you are going to NC me, do it with this format
[YOUR NAME] - Topic or subject matter
NEW NOTE titled NC's will be TRASHED!!

God....is it so hard to read a notecard which opens anyway once you accept it to your inventory? And even if you accept inventory offers automatically, does it matter?

I think, people just wanna hide their lack of confidence by displaying how important they are, and I know in fact they sit behind their computers awaiting the next notecard to be sent to them.

Bastards!

Love

Love can be strange, it can be exciting and also boring sometimes, but the challenge is to find new ways to explore your partner, to slip into new roles you never thought you could do. It can be love, devotion or just passion, even if you think you know someone you suddenly find new sides in your partner...maybe scaring, maybe tempting. The challenge is not to give up so easily, force yourself to be open and not to judge so quickly, get over the barriers the society gave you or even the way you have been raised. Something you dont know is strange in the first run but accomodating to something entirely new can be amazing and give you more pleasure than you have ever expected. Love is the power of all, giving you the will and strange and also the passion, force yourself into new realms and let yourself guide by someone you love. I love and I want to arrive a status of complete satisfaction, nothing that can be done quickly, but I am looking forward to that life task!

(Bad) luck

Being sick during christmas is the worst punishment ever.
Being double sick after having a awesome christmas eve party is bad.
Missing another family gathering right after christmas cause you are sick is luck.

Christmas Eve

Yes it's christmas today and I spend some time on my laptop to write about some thoughts I have. I have the worst cold I ever had since beginning of my life and I am suffering, probably I will drink a bottle of wine later and forget all about it haha.

I miss my father and this year it is the first year I dont spend christmas eve with my mother. Instead I sit with my sister and her husband, their kids and her husbands mother and the famous "Tante Irmchen" something like "Aunt Irmchen". I have never met her and I am not very eager to but it will probably be fun. I know that the mother of my sisters husband (let's call her Annie) is very friendly to Tante Irmchen, cause Tante Irmchen has a lot of money and owns some appartements. And Annie likes to travel and her best skill is to burn her money for some odd things like clothes, beauty surgeries and all that. Unfortunately Annie has no money anymore and Tante Irmchen doesnt wanna die. But Annie will get money and an appartement in case Tante Irmchen dies and so she is very friendly to her.

Knowing all that and knowing they dont know that I know gives me some sadistic pleasure and I know my sister and me will just lean back, sip our wine and grin to each other. Oh what a holy night! My sisters 2 kids will get a lot of presents except from Tante Irmchen I think, well did I mention she hates to spend her money on such odd things? Probably Annie likes it cause more will be left for her and I know we will have to listen to her complains about her poor life and how less money she has. I really pity her that she cannot do three cruises a year anymore and also no face lifting, life can really suck. I hope I won't laugh when her complains become louder and louder until my sisters husband will give her 100 Euro so she can at least buy herself something to eat the next day. He will probably give her 50 Euro more when my nephew accidently spill some redwine on her (new) Chanel dress.

I will lean back, enjoy the holy night and think how lucky I am with my no name skirt, my trinkets and my wrinkled face. In two days I will see my mother and that will be my real christmas eve.

Shopping

I have been shopping a lot lately. Usually I try to compensate something or do it when I think I have earned it cause I worked a lot or something else. But the reason was that I didn't really bought something new the last 2 years. Only the most necessary stuff. After an inspection of my closet I found out that I only have jeans and shirts. Wow, jeans and shirts. Awesome. Nothing nice for going out, well at least nothing that still fits.

It's not that I feel super awesome or pretty but today I went out for dinner and I wore my brand new skirt, a nice top and some hot boots and I felt hot. I felt some gazes on my thighs and butt and it made me smile. Guess I am starting to feel pretty again! I deserve that!

For you

"I Don't Believe You"

I don't mind it
I don't mind at all
It's like you're the swing set and I'm the kid that falls
It's like the way we fight, the times I've cried, we come to blows
And every night the passion's there so it's gotta be right, right?

No I don't believe you
When you say don't come around here no more
I won't remind you
You said we wouldn't be apart
No, I don't believe you
When you say you don't need me anymore
So don't pretend
To not love me at all

I don't mind it
I still don't mind at all
It's like one of those bad dreams when you can't wake up
Looks like you've given up, you've had enough
But I want more no I won't stop
'cause I just know you'll come around... right?

Just don't stand there and watch me fall
'cause I, 'cause I still don't mind at all
It's like the way we fight, the times I cry, we come to blows
And every night the passion's there so it's gotta be right, right?

I don't believe you

I like ...

David Garrett, the most handsome and talented German I've seen since a long time. Germany goes nuts since a year and women faint wherever he shows up. His music is amazing and his talent is stunning.


Fast forward to 2.20

"melts"

Message to vault

From above you can see my heart beating, I am still here trying to live my life. I am not leaving yet and my eyes are looking upward telling you how much I miss you. My tears trickle on the cold stone where your name is written upon, just anonymous letters who cannot tell the story of your life. I breathe your name, give it color and face the past in the mirrow of my soul. You are still alive in my heart, in my soul. Whatever happened doesnt matter anymore, but I still feel the pain like a knife in my heart. So many words unspoken, did you really know I love you no matter what had happened before? Tears cooling my cheeks but not the suffer of the loss, too early you had to go, too many what if's penetrate my thoughts again and again. Your life is part of mine and will always be, my blood is yours and you live through me.

Miss you so much, Papa.

Fly Party

What do you do when you're bored?

This is my suggestion:
1. Kill some flies
2. Dry them for one hour in the sun or on the heating
3. Take paper and a pen and be creative.

You'll see, you aren't bored anymore :-P












LOL

Up's and Down's

I know I should be creative and write something funny to enlighten the world, but I so dont feel like it. To be honest, I have no clue what to write, I just feel frustrated, empty, down, ugly, sick, unloved and not in the mood to do anything at all.

And I know after each "Down" comes an "Up", so tonight I will drink a nice glass of red wine (or two) and await the "Up" with open arms. I will suffer in self-pity and humbly accept my bestowed fate.

I will listen to sad music, eat half a kilo of chocolate and a ton of cheese. I will feel even more bad and late at night I will shower in my tears. To crown it all I may watch a Brokeback mountain or worse or just watch the stars and think of the meaning of life, the pollution, the hungry people all over the world and the billions of animals suffering of human violence and cruelty.

Yeah, all that.

My truth

Rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.

Panic

Today I have been in a situation where I saw the worst coming like a film in front of my eyes within split second. I was actor in a movie with no happy end. But as strange the situation was, as strange I acted. I was between panic and total calmness, my actions were right and calm but inside myself I screamed of fear to loose something very important.

Fortunately I was bright enough to call help and thank the genius who came up with cell phones, the situation was safe after a short while.

But during these seconds I felt filled up with panic and helplessness are still flickering in my thoughts, feelings I cannot suppress easily. I was quite lucky under the circumstances and I cannot believe it really. When you expect the worst its hard to believe you had so much luck in the end.

I am still bewildered. But relieved.

LOL

Quickpost this image to Myspace, Digg, Facebook, and others!

I am

I am
The sun to brighten your day
The moon to shine for you in the dark
The laughter to alleviate your despair
The crutch to shed your worries

I am
The rosepetal at your feet
The exultation of your spirit
The reflection of you inner desires
The light that shines for you when all other lights are gone

I am
The fragrance to spice up your life
The ejector of your weirdest dreams
The leading part in your naughtiest fantasy
The dust bin of your emotional viciousness

I am for you

Quote

“A true friend knows your weaknesses but shows you your strengths; feels your fears but fortifies your faith; sees your anxieties but frees your spirit; recognizes your disabilities but emphasizes your possibilities.”

William Arthur Ward

What if ...

... I wouldn't have been born in Europe but in some poor Third-World country?

... the German Wall wouldn't have been dropped and USSR hadn't been split into seperate states?

... I would have been born as a boy? I know I would have been called 'Sascha' and it doesn't make me really happy "coughs". Maybe I had a ton of kids now or be a lonely man travelling around the world with only a rucksack...

... Gor would really exist? I am sure I would get myself in some trouble and end up in chains somewhere on a slavemarket. Or maybe I am smart and be a Scribe in some decent southern city..?

... the Iraq war had never happened?

... I had chosen another profession, something I really love? I wished I would have known that when I was young.

... there would be peace on earth? No crime, no violence, no humilitation, no suffer... What to do with all the remaining testosterone?

... the medicine wouldn't have made any advances since medieval times? The natural selection would probably have taken advantage, maybe our planet would be much healthier than it is now?

... we didn't have internet, mobile phone, blackberry and all that? I would probably do a puzzle right now or write my diary with a pen :-)

There are so many "What if's" I use to think about, too many to write them all down. What if I wouldn't think about "What if's"?

Things I want to do

There are some things I really want to do, I always promised myself I would one day. Some are lifetime goals, some are goals I have for the near future.

1. Do a skydiving
2. Visit New York City
3. Become more self-conscious
4. Loose 10 kg weight
5. See the Northern Lights
6. Stay healthy without needing machines
7. See a-ha in Oslo at their last concert
8. Get a leading role in a stage play
9. Finally finishing learning to play the gituar
10. Learn the piano
11. Know and dance all Line Dance dances
12. Go on a road trip through the United States
13. Keep my friends for my lifetime
14. Find a new job in a company I really like
15. Do something nice to someone who will never find out
16. Remove my pubic hair with laser therapy (!)
17. Fulfil at least one of my sexual fantasies
18. Fight more against animal abuse
19. Refresh my italian language knowledge
20. Learn more about my own country
21. Sleep under the stars
22. Get some extensions again
23. Go skiing to Austria very soon
24. Go out to the clubs with my friend again
25. Make other people smile

..to be continued...

Wax in the City

I remember the first time I have been to a waxing studio. It was summer and I wanted to get rid of some hair. Well, apparently so. When I looked up their website I decided to get a "Brazilian Landing Stripe". Huh, I was impressed and apparently it was something very "hip" so I had to have it.

Now you might wonder what I am talking about and I can understand if you do. Here is some education of what a brazilian waxing is:



To put it simply, a brazilian waxing is the removal of all pubic hair except a little "decoration" or just coatless :)

So far so good. Finally I made my way into that studio with a smile on my face. I got a warm welcome and someone guided me into a small room with a nice comment to strip "downbelow". I stood there, nothing on my body except a white shirt and pink socks and waited.

The curtain lifted and the "executor" moved in. "Hello I am Sandra. Please lay down and spread your legs", she said to me in a friendly and professional tone. Except the Sandra-part I have heard that sentence a few times before already, maybe a tad hoarser but you can´t have everything.

I laid down, spread my legs and felt quite uneasy with displaying my little Mony to her. I calmed myself by thinking she might had seen something like that before and tried to relax. She stood right next to me and turned on a super duper light lamp to inspect my pubic area!

I dont think I remember someone looking with a flashlight at my pussy before so I felt just a bit uncomfortable.

"So....", she said. And put her head a bit more down inspecting my labias and butt now. I breathed deeply. I always get this red little dots on my face when I am insecure or very nervous, and that was such a situation. So...? What did that mean? Why did she say that?

"You wish a brazilian landing stripe?" she asked me and I could swear her tone was kind of disconcerting. Only able to nod I watched her preparing the torture equipment. At that moment I was about to jump off the bed and run. And maybe I should have done it because the rest of the session wasn`t very amusing.

I have waxed myself before so I thought I am aware of the pain it causes. But I had never waxed my pubic area before. My screams echoed through the whole shop and I almost fainted as she waxed my labias the third time. "There is still hair left", she said and I could swear to hear some kind of sadistic pleasure in her voice.

The real kicker was the final waxing of my battycrease. I didn`t know I have hair at that spot and I didn`t realize it would hurt so much! She looked at me slightly worried "Are you ok? Next time it won`t hurt so much anymore", and her steady smile made me wanting to put my fist right in her face. As if there would be a next time ever! I grunted and felt tears of pain running down my cheeks.

Sore and shocked I crawled down the bed, I felt like being tortured for hours. Releived to be still alive I put my pants back on and didn`t dare to look on my red swollen and painfully pulsating pussylips.

I was busy to leave the wax studio and noticed the receptionist smirked when I passed. I never went back there again.

But since I am having bad side effects from shaving which I don`t wanna mention here (!) I am considering doing it again. But I am really really afraid of it.

For all men: Yes, you can get a nice waxing too. Please choose your style :-)



Mmmmhmm, i like "The Pilot".

Funny

Two days ago I was shopping with my best friend and we found that "tester". Guess how we looked like after we have tried it out? "grunt"